Reconciling Emptiness
by SoA
Summary: The Inquisition has won and Corypheus was defeated, yet Inquisitor Lavellan cannot bring herself to celebrate. Solas has left without a word and she no longer has an enemy to fight. This series of short vignettes explores Lavellan's struggles to reconcile the emptiness left by the departure of Solas and other companions, and to find a new purpose for the Inquisition.
1. Chapter 1

Elanna Lavellan's mind was a blur. Corypheus was dead, the Venatori were scattered, and the breach was closed for good, leaving a dancing green scar on the sky. She was a hero now, more than ever before, yet she felt numbness instead of jubilation at their success. Although the victory celebration still continued downstairs—and probably would until past dawn—Elanna had excused herself early and returned to her bed chambers, alone.

As she leaned against the balcony railing and watched the first rays of golden sunlight and dancing green lights in the sky play off the white glaciers of the mountains, a heavy sigh escaped her lips. "Elanna, look at yourself," she murmured in halfhearted self-admonishment, "You, the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, you just defeated an ancient Tevinter magister and saved Thedas from certain doom. Why aren't you celebrating with everyone else?" Her shoulders slumped and she sighed again, looking down at her hands. She knew why: because it was not everyone else.

"Solas…" she whispered, a lump rising in her throat. He had told her he loved her, and then suddenly before their final battle against Corypheus broke it off. He promised to give an explanation after Corypheus was dead, but as soon as the battle was over, he disappeared. His final words to her had been an assurance that their love had been real, and yet that love had not been enough for him to even tell her goodbye. She felt lied to, betrayed, yet she could not hate him for it. Her chest ached with longing just to see his face again.

Still the Inquisitor, she still had the might of the Inquisition behind her, but for what purpose? To rebuild? To make Thedas a better place? Without Corypheus to strive against and without Solas at her side, she felt empty. Skyhold suddenly felt foreign, far distant from the Free Marches of her youth. Certainly, she still had good friends here, like Varric, Dorian, and Cassandra, but the friend dearest to her was gone, without a word. And even many of her closest friends would soon leave to resume their lives outside of the Inquisition: Varric to reconstruction in the Kirkwall, Dorian to seed reform in Tevinter, and Cassandra to Val Royeaux to become the next Divine. What would remain to hold her to the Inquisition? Duty to finish what she started? More fade rifts undoubtedly were scattered across Thedas, beyond the immediate reach of the Inquisition. Closing them was something only she could do.

The memory of her first encounter with a fade rift rushed back to her, Solas thrusting her uncertain hand into the air and unexpected power surging through her body.

Solas…

Unwanted tears stung the corners of her eyes. She roughly rubbed them away with the back of her hand then turned back towards her bed chamber. "You're not doing yourself any favors, Elanna, moping like this," she murmured ruefully. Perhaps she could sleep off her melancholy. Perhaps dreams would bring her answers.


	2. Chapter 2

Dreams of the Fade did not fill her sleeping hours. She tossed and turned, sleeping fitfully. All the same, red eyed and aching from a poor-night's sleep, Elanna rose from bed in time to be presentable for the daily war council meeting. She pulled on her clothes then noticed the cup of steaming tea on her desk. Servants never entered her room while she was sleeping—either out of awe or formality. "Cole," she chuckled, reaching for it, and took a sip. The black tea was thick with honey, jolting her into alertness. Yet, that sip reminded her of Solas' distaste for caffeinated beverages. She put the tea back down and abandoned it on the desk. If she was to learn to explore the Fade in her dreams, tea would have to go.

Although already late morning, Skyhold was quiet. Descending into the great hall, she found it similarly quiet with only a few staff passing through. Remnants of the celebration the night before still remained strewn on the tables, with chairs leaning at odd angles against the tables and walls. Although she could call for breakfast from the kitchens—some of her staff were undoubtable up and about—she did not feel at all hungry. Instead, she headed for the war room. Josephine was not in her study when Elanna passed through, making her wonder if her advisors were even awake yet. However, as she approached the great double-doors of the war room, she could hear muted voices from inside.

As she pushed the door open with a loud clank of the latch, the conversation ceased. Leliana, Cullen, and Josephine all stared at her in mild surprise.

"Inquisitor," Josephine stammered, "We did not expect you to awake so soon, after last night's celebration."

"You three are here ready to work," Elanna replied, "So should I."

"Right," Cullen started, but did not have words to follow.

"I hope I didn't interrupt anything," Elanna began, scrutinizing each of her three advisors. Their sudden reticence made her suspect that they had been talking about her before she entered. _Whatever, let them gossip all they like. _

"No, not at all," Leliana recovered first. She stepped closer to the table, and began, "We may have defeated Corypheus, but his legacy will continue to affect Thedas, unless we continue our work as the Inquisition."

"My thoughts exactly," Elanna replied, fighting to keep her thoughts sharp, "There are fade rifts beyond our initial reach, and I am still the only one able to close them. Now that Corypheus is gone, we can venture farther beyond Skyhold."

"To my knowledge," Leliana said, nodding beneath her hood, "We have closed most rifts in the populated areas of Orlais and Ferelden, but my scouts have heard reports of rifts in less populated regions, and across northern Thedas."

"It would take you years to travel that distance and close them all, Inquisitor," Cullen said sharply.

"Yet it's something I need to do," she replied wearily, raising her left hand to gaze at it absently.

"You won't depart immediately, will you?" Josephine asked, somewhat alarmed.

"No," Elanna shook her head, "I need more information." She sighed then added, "And some rest. These have been a rough few months."

"That's putting it lightly," Cullen said, shaking his head.

"And there are many dignitaries already on their way to see you and give their thanks for your heroics," Josephine added, "You would not want to depart before they arrive."

"You know socializing with nobles is my favorite pass-time, Josephine," Elanna joked, but her voice held little humor. "Of course I will hold audiences."

"Good," Josephine nodded, taking down notes on her clip board, "And there are also departures to arrange."

Elanna felt a sudden squeezing at her heart. Solas' departure would be far from the last. "Right," she replied numbly.

"Inquisitor?" Cullen asked gently.

"It's nothing," she shook her head and straightened up her shoulders, but her sudden change in posture fooled no one.

"It's not nothing," Leliana argued, "We can't expect you to celebrate your closest friends leaving the Inquisition, so soon after victory. At least, only Cassandra must leave in the near future."

Josephine nodded, "Her entourage from Val Royeaux is already on its way. They are expected to arrive within the week, and will require some ceremony for Cassandra's departure."

"And Cassandra will want some strong drinks," Cullen chuckled.

"Of the others…" Leliana began, looking to Elanna to finish for her.

"Dorian hopes to return to Teviter soon, to pursue reform there," she began heavily, "Varric plans to return to Kirkwall to assist with reconstruction. Vivianne will return to the Circle at Val Royeaux to secure her place as First Enchanter." With each statement, it felt like she was giving up a part of herself. What would the Inquisitor be without her inner circle?

"I do not expect Blackwall or Iron Bull to leave us," Leliana observed, "Cole and Sera will stay as long as there is something here to hold their attention, I am sure."

"Well, we will need proper farewell parties for each of them when they go," Josephine said as she made notes on her pad. "I will determine when each plans to leave."

A hush fell over the chamber.

"Do you all plan to stay? I know you have lives you left behind elsewhere," Elanna asked softly.

"I would like to visit my home in Antiva," Josephine said wistfully over her notes, then abruptly corrected herself at a sharp glare from Leliana, "But not immediately. There is still so much to attend to here. And I have no intention of leaving the Inquisition, as long as I may be of assistance."

"There is no place I would rather be than here," Cullen cut in abruptly, with mild bravado, "I will continue to serve you and the Inquisition as long as you will have me."

"Of course Cullen," she replied automatically. "I couldn't do this without you."

"I will stay," Leliana stated. "Someone else can be Cassandra's left hand. I have served my time beside the Devine." She chuckled, "Besides, Cassandra might prefer someone else anyway."

"Thank you," Elanna said, bowing her head to them, "I am glad I still have your support."

Another silence fell between them.

"So," Leliana began slow, "Our tasks now is to find and seal the remaining rifts?"

"Right," Elanna confirmed, "We need to use all of our connections to determine where the remaining rifts are. Once we have locations, we need to keep them secure. Small contingents of Inquisition soldiers can get there before I can, to keep watch over the rifts and keep people safe."

"There will be rifts in lands that we do not have alliances with," Josephine cautioned.

Elanna nodded, "I will leave it to you, Josephine, to negotiate our access." She felt somehow stronger giving orders. It was good to be solving a problem again. "Once we have information on where the rifts are, and what it will take to access them, we can plan a course for me to close them all." Josephine looked like she was about to protest, "After we have welcomed all of the dignitaries and seen off all of our friends, of course."

Josephine closed her mouth and nodded, making more notes on her pad.

"The bulk of our soldiers are still returning from the Arbor Wilds, and many of them will want leave to return home," Cullen began, "But I do not expect we will lose many of them to resignation, now that the battle is over. The Inquisition is still the strongest force in South Thedas, and something they are all proud to be a part of. I expect we will have sufficient man power to guard the rifts."

"Good, thank you Cullen," she nodded.

"I think we are finished here. Is there anything else, Inquisitor?" Josephine asked, still staring down at her notes.

Elanna swallowed. "Leliana, have your scouts found anything about…" she trailed off, unable to finish.

"No, nothing yet," Leliana replied quietly, "But they will keep looking until they do."

Cullen shot Leliana a curious glance.

"I see," Elanna said, letting out a slow breath. All the power of command seemed to seep out of her in an instant. More than anything, she wanted someone to take care of her. It would be a refreshing change from trying to take care of the future of Thedas herself. "Thank you anyway," she added. "I will leave you three to your work, then."

As she turned to go, Cullen added, "If you need anything, Inquisitor, please do not hesitate to ask."

Over her shoulder, she replied, "Thank you Cullen, I will."

She wandered back to the great hall and her aimless footsteps took her to the rotunda encircled by Solas' frescos. The bright colors gave her comfort. Solas had at least left his part of himself behind for her. She crossed her arms in front of her and hugged her chest. To Solas, she had been a person, whereas to everyone else she was the Inquisitor, a symbol and a savior. She missed hearing her own name and her own language. Even if she could return to her clan in the Free Marches again, she would forever be the Inquisitor. No, as much as she missed her clan, she was the Inquisitor now, with a never-ending responsibility to the world. All this from an accident in the Fade.


	3. Chapter 3

Days and then weeks passed. Vivienne returned to the Circle in Orlais to stand for elections for First Enchanter. Josephine threw a farewell gathering for her, which was attended even by Orlesians who traveled from the Eastern part of the country just to see the now famed hero mage depart the Inquisition. Vivienne was in her element, loving every moment of the attention. Although her personal goodbye to Elanna was brief, she did promise to write, and indeed, two weeks later, a letter arrived saying very little but conveying Vivienne's relief to be back within the Imperial Court, surrounded by the comforts of Val Royeaux.

Cassandra was the next to leave. Varric threw together another game of Wicked Grace for their closest friends. Cullen refused to play more than a few hands when Josephine began to win again, though remained fully clothed. Dorian bid his shirt and lost it, possibly on purpose. Between Sera, Bull, and Blackwall, everyone had too much to drink. Leliana managed to get everyone singing and dancing, and soon no one could remember who had been winning the last hand. All of the Inquisitions most prominent figures were hung over the next morning—or in Sera's case, still drunk—during Cassandra's official send-off. Mother Giselle seemed quietly amused, but more than a few of the visiting clerics scowled openly at the lacking decorum. Elanna saw Cassandra and her Chantry procession off as far as the front gate of Skyhold. It was odd to see Cassandra in white robes, out of her armor. Breaking all ceremony, Cassandra suddenly wrapped Elanna in a tight hug, thanking her for everything. Then, trying to hide the tears at the corners of her eyes, she resolutely turned towards Orlais and the sinking over the mountains. The clerics whisked her away into her carriage, and she too was gone. Elanna missed her already, but was certain she would make a good Divine.

Dorian was next. Two weeks later, he found Elanna at her desk and announced that he would be leaving that afternoon, saying that it was time for him to try to set things right in Tevinter. Josephine, irritated about the lack of advance notice yet hiding her irritation well, managed to throw together a farewell luncheon for him that a surprising number of Skyhold residents attended. Even Mother Giselle seemed sad to see him go. Once lunch was finished, he gave a brief speech praising the Inquisition, Elanna, and his own good looks. Privately, he promised to keep Elanna updated on dealings in Tevinter as long as she agreed to stay in touch. After a quick hug, he departed into the Frostback Mountains alone.

Elanna knew it was only a matter of time before Varric, too, headed north. She would miss their conversations and card games, but she could already see that he was getting restless.

The days wore on, and the steady stream of dignitaries and pilgrims from all across Ferelden and Orlais kept Elanna busy. Yet, despite the visitors and hum of activity, she often caught herself feeling lonely or bored.

Although she only caught glimpses of him here and there, she knew that Cole sensed that ache in her and quietly worked to ease her pain. Her morning tea was replaced with hot lemon-water with honey, and somehow her pillows acquired more down. She slept more soundly, dreaming more deeply. Now and then, she caught glimpses of Skyhold's past in the Fade, but it was always fleeting and difficult to understand. She never had any of the conscious control over Fade wanderings that Solas claimed to have—nothing like the dream they had shared when she first arrived at Skyhold. All the same, these snatches of history encouraged her, but Solas was never to be seen walking the fade with her.

Elanna woke early one morning, shivering in her sheets. Sitting up stiffly, she rubbed her arms for warmth and glanced towards her balcony. One of the doors stood ajar and a cold breeze seeped through the crack. "I must have left it open last night," she muttered, and moved slowly out of bed. She shuffled barefoot over to the door, but when she laid her hand on the cold, metal handle, she thought better of it. Slipping outside on the balcony, she let the cold morning air envelop her, startling her into alertness.

She had had another dream of Skyhold. It had been only fleeting, but it had clearly been Skyhold, human soldiers watching on the battlements—waiting expectantly for something. And then it was gone. Dreams like this were always bittersweet. It reflected progress in her goals to dream like Solas, but at the same time they were painful reminders of how much she missed him at her side.

Suddenly, Elanna felt goose bumps spread across her skin and she became aware of another presence beside her on the balcony.

"It's not your fault," Cole urged gently, "You didn't drive him away. He loved you and probably still does. You know that, deep down."

"Cole—" Elanna started to protest.

"Let me help you heal this hurt," Cole begged, "You can forget."

"No, Cole," she shook her head, "Thank you, but I want to remember. Those memories are precious, even if they hurt. I still love Solas."

"Who is Solas?" Cole tilted his head quizzically. The wide brim of his had fluttered in the breeze.

Elanna gaped at him, but as suddenly as he had arrived, he was gone. He left her feeling even emptier than she had before.


	4. Chapter 4

Varric raised a hand to shield his eyes and squinted into the harsh yellow light of the setting sun over the mountains as he descended the stairs into Skyhold's main courtyard. The last of the soldiers were finally returning from the Arbor Wilds, and each new group of arrivals brought yet another raucous party at the tavern. These belated celebrations for the Inquisitions' victories offered plenty of amusement for Varric. Plus, as soon as someone realized that he had been there at the Inquisitor's side, fighting Corypheus at the end, someone would buy him a drink, and then all the other drunken soldiers would get the same idea. He liked being a celebrity, while it lasted. The soldiers were also always a captive audience to Varric's somewhat dramatized tales of the Inquisitors heroics. He and the tavern's bard had built up quite a rapport over time, trading off with story-telling and songs. He wished Elanna could see just how proud all of her soldiers were of her. Whenever she appeared, everyone was all stiff posture, tight lips, and salutes. Maybe he would drag her to one of these gatherings once all of the soldiers were already drunk under the table to give her a taste of their pride and admiration.

Thinking of Elanna, he frowned. She seemed to drift through Skyhold as disconnected from the world as Cole was, or worse. He suspected she disliked being cooped up in Skyhold without much to do, besides greet visitors. He also wondered if it had anything to do with the departure of so many of her closet friends.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Varric scanned the courtyard. Inquisition soldiers were already pouring into the tavern. Through the open door, he could hear the strumming of the bard's evening serenades. Much closer, however, he could hear familiar percussive whispering and the rhythmic tapping of shoes against stone.

Varric turned to his left towards the bushes that capped the wall dividing the upper and lower portions of the courtyard. Mostly hidden by the shrubs, Cole sat on the edge of the wall, kicking his feet agitatedly and muttering to himself. The wide brim of his had cast deep shadows over his face and torso in the evening light.

"Hey Kid," Varric called to him as he pushed past the bushes, "Want to go see a bunch of soldiers get drunk and sing about the Inquisitor?"

Cole seemed hardly to notice him. He continued to mutter, "They go, always far away, who knows where? The world at her fingers yet no hand to hold. Kisses, caresses, kindness no nowhere near. Why? Why did he go? Always alone, a figurehead who must figure a way ahead." Turning towards Varric, his voice grew more urgent, "He spoke into her dreams, but now they are empty, both asleep and awake. Where has he gone?"

"Kid, pronouns," Varric pressed, "Where has who gone?"

"I can't," Cole stammered, looking down into his own lap, "I can't remember? It is gone. He is gone."

"Who are you talking about?" Varric asked, growing more concerned. Whatever and whoever it was, it was upsetting Cole more than usual.

"She cries when no one is looking, not even herself," Cole muttered sadly, "Heart broken like the orb is broken. She seeks answers in sleep."

Cole's words invoked a memory of Corypheus' defeat, the orb of his power stolen and turned against him as Elanna destroyed him once and for all. Afterwards, the orb lay shattered on the ground. Varric shook his head to clear out the involuntary vision of the past.

Cole stared up at him, "Yes. Both are broken."

Varric furrowed his brow and massaged his temple with one hand. "Maker," he muttered, "I wish Solas was still here to make sense of this."

"Who's Solas?" Cole asked earnestly. He stopped kicking his feet and sat still as a statue.

Varric stared at him. How could he forget? "Shit," he cursed suddenly. Solas had helped Cole forget about the Templar before, maybe he had made Cole forget about him too. But why?

"She said that name, but he's gone. I can't remember," Cole let out a frustrated sigh. "I want to help her, but I can't. I can't remember. But she wants to. Why would she want a broken heart when the memory hurts?"

The pieces suddenly fell together in Varric's mind: the Inquisitor and Solas. He had noticed the ways they looked at each other when they thought no one else was watching. He had known the two elves were close, always talking about history, philosophy, magic, or the Fade, but both were so carefully not to let anything on, he had never realized Elanna had been in love with the apostate. And now Elanna was heartbroken that he was gone, and lonely. He wanted to kick himself for forgetting that the Inquisitor was just as mortal as the rest of them, and capable of love and heartbreak. Varric had seen the two of them exchange a few words at the end of the battle with Corypheus. He wondered what it had been about. And now Solas had run away from Cole too, the one person who might have been able to sense him still.

"Because, Kid, sometimes even painful memories of our friends can be precious," he explained with a sigh. "A broken heart means she still loves him, and love is a good thing."

"Even when it hurts?" Cole asked.

"Love always hurts, at least a little," Varric replied, "In my experience anyway."

"I can't help her because I can't remember. But I want her to be helped. Will you help her Varric?" Cole pleaded.

"As best as I can, Kid," Varric promised.

"Good, I'm glad," Cole seemed to relax. He tilted his head back and looked up at the sky, and suddenly he was gone.

Varric flinched backwards, muttering, "I'll never get used to him doing that."

He pushed back through the bushes and glanced over at the tavern. It was already full to the brimming, golden light and jovial shouts pouring out through the windows. Pausing, he shifted his gaze up to Skyhold's tallest tower and scratched his chin thoughtfully. The Inquisitor needed a distraction, and a tavern full of adoring soldiers might be just what the doctor ordered.


	5. Chapter 5

Varric rapped at the door to Elanna's room, hearing a distant, "Come in!" from above. He pulled the door open, slipped in, and pressed it shut behind him then climbed the final flight of stairs to her chambers. As he rounded the top of the stairs, he began, "Inquisitor, sorry to bother you, but I think you should join us for a celebration down at—"

"Oh, Varric," Elanna observed as she saw him with so little emotion he wondering if he was welcome or not.

Varric stopped and stared at her. She was slumped in her desk chair, one leg sprawled over the arm and a nearly empty wine glass in one hand. The glass bottle on her desk was already less than half full. Elanna's face was pale in the fading daylight, and her eyes were puffy and red.

"Shit, uh, Inquisitor," Varric stammered, suddenly feeling like he had interrupted her privacy, "I didn't think you were the type to hit the bottle so hard. What's wrong? I, er, can leave you alone if that's better."

She sniffed and said heavily, "No Varric, don't go. I could use a friend right about now."

"Okay, Elanna," he replied, bracing himself for the worst. Had Solas' absence really hit her this hard, even a month later? He slowly crossed the room towards her desk.

Elanna seemed to relax slightly at hearing her own name. "It's like people forget I've got a name other than 'Inquisitor,' that I'm a person under that title," she said ruefully, a lump catching in her throat. She put her glass down onto the desk and shifted her leg off the arm of the chair.

"You're just as intimidating as you ever were, maybe more, now that you've saved the world," Varric chuckled dryly, but as soon as it was out of his mouth, he realized it was the wrong thing to say.

"I didn't ask for this, Varric!" her voice cracked, fighting back sobs. She thrust her left hand at him, "I didn't ask for the anchor. I didn't ask to be the Inquisitor. All I ever wanted was to be a good Keeper, a skilled mage, a protector of my people and their history. But I've failed them!"

"What are you talking about, you haven't failed anyone," Varric argued gently, but she continued over him.

"Maybe I did ask for Keeper Deshanna to send me to Haven to represent our clan and watch over the peace talks, but I didn't ask for all this," at this, Elanna broke into sobs, cradling her head in her hands. Varric walked around the desk and laid a hand on her back.

"hahren na melana sahlin, emma ir abelas," she chanted quietly but choked on her words and could go no further. Removing one hand from her face, she pushed a creased leaf of parchment towards Varric and then continued to cry trembling into her hands.

Varric scanned the letter. It was a report marked with Leliana's seal. "Oh Elanna, I'm so sorry," he murmured in shock. Clan Lavellan had been slaughtered by the Venatori and red lyrium-crazed humans near Wycombe. Two inquisition spies and five scouts died trying to protect them, but it had not been enough. Although it had happened over a month ago, the Inquisition had only just learned the fate of their scouts and the Dalish clan. He leaned in and wrapped her in a hug, "I am so sorry. Nothing I can say will make this better."

"It's all my fault," she sobbed again, "I failed them."

"You couldn't have known this would happen," Varric tried to comfort her.

"You can't know that. I saw the reports of growing hostility towards them for weeks," she moaned, "I tried to send the Inquisition to help, but I misjudged. I didn't see that there were Venatori involved. And they wouldn't have targeted my clan if I weren't the Inquisitor. It's all my fault. I could have done more to protect them. I could have brought them here. I could have…" she hiccupped into sobs again.

"If you're going to blame anyone, blame Corypheus," Varric argued.

She shuddered and sighed. Slowly, she raised her head to look at him, "Thanks Varric. Thanks for being there for me. I've forgotten what it feels like to have a close friend I can confide in."

Varric released her from the hug and stepped back. "Oh come on, Inqui—Elanna," he caught himself, "You have friends here. We've been with you through this whole mess." He dragged the second chair around from the front of the desk to sit next to her.

Elanna laughed dryly, "Be honest, Varric: what I am to you all first? A friend? The Inquisitor? The Herald of Andraste? The savior of the world?"

"Well," Varric started uncomfortably, "It's hard to forget the rest. By the time we all met you, you were already all of those things."

"And all those that knew me before I became those things are now dead," she sighed, "Is that part of me dead too?"

"No," Varric argued, more strongly than he meant to, "You are who you are, no matter what anyone else calls you."

"Cassandra and," she stuttered, a sob caught in her throat again, "and Solas, they really tried to get to know me for who I am not just want I can do, and now they're both gone. No one else has really bothered."

"Elanna, I'm hurt," Varric teased warmly.

"I'm sorry Varric," she sighed, "I know you've tried, and you're trying now. It means a lot to me that you keep trying to put aside how you see me as the Herald."

"You're worth getting to know," Varric replied.

Elanna sighed and took up her wine glass again. She considered it for a moment, then tipped it back and drained the rest in two swallows. Dropping it nosily back onto the desk, she shakily reached for the bottle and poured herself a glass. "You want me to get you some?" she offered to Varric.

"Ah, no thanks," he refused nervously. He never pictured Andraste's Herald drinking her sorrows away, but he did not feel like he could stop her either.

Elanna took another long draught of wine from her glass then rested it back on the desk. "It's just, I miss them all so much, and I will never see them again," sobs rose in her voice again, "Well, not Cassandra, but…vir samahl la numin, vir lath sa'vunin. Solas, ma sa'lath…" Although she looked away, Varric could see tears wetting her eyes again.

"Is that what Solas said to you after the battle?" Varric asked gently, "That he was going for good?"

That question broke the floodgates again. "No," she sobbed, "He just said something like our love had been real. He didn't even say goodbye! I thought he was following me down to all of you, but when I looked around, he was gone. He cared more about that stupid broken orb than me."

Varric found himself standing next to her a wrapping her in a hug again as she dissolved into incoherent sobs. "That son of a bitch didn't even have the decency to break it off with you before disappearing," Varric muttered.

"But he did," Elanna tried to explain through her tears, "He broke things off the night after he took my vallaslin."

"Your va-what?" Varric asked, suddenly embarrassed.

"My vallaslin, my blood writing," she stammered frustratedly, "the marks on my face."

"Oh," Varric relaxed. _Well, that's not what I thought it was._

"He said he loved me but that he had to end it, but wouldn't tell me why," she cried, leaning onto Varric's shoulder, "He promised to tell me after we defeated Corypheus, but he didn't stay long enough for even that." She broke down into sobs again. All Varric could do was to hold onto her and gently rub her back in comfort. "Varric, I love him. I still love him. I miss him so much."

Varric drew in a deep breath and sighed. "I can tell you from experience that this is going to hurt for a good long time," he started, "It might never go away. But you need to find something else that gives you joy."

Elanna sniffed, calming down. She lifted her head to face Varric, "I'm trying to learn to walk the Fade in dreams, like he did. Maybe I will meet him there some day again."

"Ah, well, that doesn't count," Varric corrected awkwardly, "See, that's just more about Solas and not moving on."

In the silence that fell between them, the breeze carried the off-key singing and jovial shouts of the soldiers from the tavern below.

"Do you hear that, Elanna?" Varric asked.

She looked at him quizzically, tilting her head as she strained to hear.

"That is fifty or sixty of your people, who all adore you, singing your praises and offering cheers in your name," Varric started encouragingly, "Let's go down there. You deserve to be showered in love tonight. And besides, crying into your wine glass up her all alone isn't going to make you feel any better."

"Varric, I'm tired, and I've already had enough to drink," she protested halfheartedly.

"Ordinarily, I would agree with you, but better down there than up here," he argued, giving her a playful shove on the shoulder. "Come on, Your Inquisitorialness. You want people to get to know you for who you are, so go have fun with them."

"Fine, Varric, you win," Elanna sighed and stiffly pried herself from her chair. "But you're buying me a drink."

"Nah," he chuckled, "I won't have to. There are sixty other guys down there that will beat me to it."

Elanna and Varric descended through the keep, through the courtyard and to the tavern. Opening the door into the tavern, warm light and the nearly deafening din of celebration flooded out into the courtyard. Heads turned as they stepped inside the crowded building.

"Hey! The boss is here!" Iron Bull roared jovially from the other side of the room, his voice cutting over everything else.

For a moment, a hush fell over the packed tavern, then cheers erupted from every corner. The people nearest to the door swarmed towards Elanna. Soldiers, scouts, spies, and Skyhold staff whose faces she did not even recognize clapped her warmly on the back with wide grins on their faces. The bard stopped mid-song to being a new tune, telling of her heroics.

Sitting across from Bull, Blackwall shouted, "Barkeep, get that woman a drink!"

"Or two!" Sera's shrill voice cut in giddily, "One fer each hand!"

Glancing over at Elanna, Varric saw her smiling with a somewhat baffled look on her face. "Good," he nodded approvingly, and waded through the crowd towards the bar.


	6. Chapter 6

Cullen reached up with one hand and stretched his stiff neck to one side as he crossed the courtyard towards his quarters. Leliana's news of Wycombe had him scrambling together a late-night session to mobilize troops and scouts to retake the city from the Venatori—and avenge Clan Lavellan. He wondered how she had taken the news, but he had not been brave enough to ask her if she wanted to coordinate the attack on Wycombe herself.

A celebration in the tavern continued on loudly into the night. It felt good to have the last of his men back from the Arbor Wilds at last. Bringing them back safely was the least he could do to thank them for their service.

Nearby, he heard the sound of someone retching into the bushes beside the tavern. He did not want to embarrass any of his men by catching them empty their drunken stomachs on the lawn, so he cast the figure only a brief glance out of the corner of his eye. The golden light pouring out of the tavern windows glinted off a shock of brilliant red hair, causing Cullen to double-take. The lithe figure of the Inquisitor leaned unsteadily against the tavern wall, coughing up vomit.

"Elanna," he stammered, forgetting all decorum in surprise. She was the last person in Skyhold—except maybe Mother Giselle—that he expected to find like this.  
"Are you alright?"

She looked up abruptly, staggering towards him but losing her balance. "Cullen!" she exclaimed clumsily.

Cullen quickly closed the distance between them and caught her before she fell over her own two feet.

She laughed lightly under her breath, leaning on him, and said, "Thanks."

"Are you drunk?" Cullen asked incredulously, almost laughing.

"I think so," she replied slowly, "I don't think I've ever drank that much before, but they just kept filling my glass."

Cullen laughed and threw a steadying arm around her, "They attribute their safe return to you, you know."

"Now I do," she laughed, burped, then laughed again. "I didn't think I'd ever get out of there," she slurred, "I'm so tired."

"Here," Cullen offered, "I'll walk you back to your quarters."

"Nah," Elanna protested, "I'll be fine." As if to prove it, she walked out of his grasp. She had not taken three steps before she crossed her left foot in front of her right, and stumbled harmlessly to her knees on the grass.

"Call me skeptical," Cullen chuckled and walked over to her to help her up, "But I don't think you can make it up all four flights of stairs on your own."

As she accepted his help, leaning into him again, she said quietly, "Don't tell anyone, especially not Josie. She'd be scandalized."

Cullen chucked again, "On my honor. She won't hear it from me."

"Good." Elanna seemed satisfied.

With Cullen's help, she struggled up the stairs into the keep, through the hall, and started on the long staircase up to her tower. Before long, she had thrown her arms around Cullen's neck and he was carrying her up the last two and a half stories.

It amazed him how light she was, which should not have been surprising given that she was petite even for an elf. But, with all the weight of the world on her shoulders, she seemed made of iron, and yet now, so fragile. As ridiculous as carrying his drunk Inquisitor up the stairs was, it warmed him to feel that she relied on him, even in this. He only ever wanted to do the best he could for her.

At the top of the staircase, he worked open the door with his elbow and hips, then carried her up the final flight of stairs into her bedroom. Crossing the final stretch of room, he gently laid her down on her bed. "There," he said.

"Thank you Cullen," she smiled up at him and fumbled with her pillows to sit up. "You didn't have to do that."

"You didn't have to lead us as the Inquisitor," Cullen blurted, but was unsure why he said it.

"You're right, thank you," she said, her smile warming.

Cullen felt himself growing warm. He glanced about the room for some water, but the pitcher on her table was empty. "Let me get you some water," he offered, "So you will have less of a headache in the morning."

"Oh, I don't plan to get up until at least the afternoon," Elanna slurred with a laugh, sinking back into her pillows.

"I'll be right back," he promised then, taking the empty pitcher, retreated back down the long staircase to fetch water for her.

When Cullen returned, heavy pitcher in hand, he paused in the open doorway. A gentle melody carried on the breeze from above. He quietly ascended the last set of steps and set the pitcher down on the nearest table. Elanna stood on her balcony, singing a quiet, mournful song to the wind. Her voice was small and wavering, though clear as she sang the last stanza, "…sulahn'nehn, vir dirthera, vir samahl la numin, vir lath sa'vunin."

Cullen stood silently in her room, unwilling to interrupt her solitude.

She turned towards him, tears sparkling at the corners of her eyes. "It is eulogy of my people, from the time of the Dales or earlier," she explained softly.

"Elanna, I," he stammered, "I'm sorry. I know that's not enough, but I really am sorry."

"We were all so caught up with Corypheus, the greatest threat, we forgot about the rest," she said and hung her head.

Cullen swallowed hard and approached her. She did not flinch when he put comforting hands on her shoulders. "Dwelling in would-have and could-haves will not help," he said softly, "You saved Thedas, even if you could not save everyone in it."

"Thank you Cullen," she replied, barely above a whisper. She leaned in closer to him, and he found himself wrapping her in a loose hug. It took all of his self-control not to give her a kiss on top of the head, now that he had her in his arms. He had wanted to hold her like this for longer than he could admit to himself, but this was hardly the time or place to proclaim his affections for his very drunk, mourning Inquisitor.

"Now they're gone," she breathed sadly into his chest, "Just like Solas."

Cullen stiffened at that remark.

"And I have nowhere to go to but here," Elanna added. "The home of a Dalish is where her clan parks their aravels."

"You will always have a home here, with the Inquisition," Cullen promised.

Elanna fell still and silent.

"I am sorry to have done it without you," Cullen admitted slowly, "But when I received the news, I arranged to have our troops retake Wycombe from the Venatori. The city should be freed of their influence within the week, if the intelligence we have now is correct."

"No others shall meet the fate of my clan at their hands," Elanna murmured.

Cullen wanted to stay standing there, holding Elanna, but he knew he should not. Releasing her, he returned to the pitcher of water and poured her a glass. She shuffled slowly after him and accepted the glass from his hands. He watched as she slowly gulped it down and poured her another as she shakily held the glass out to him again. She finished that as well and moved to put the glass back on the table.

"Keep some water beside your bed," he instructed, "It will help when you wake up with a hangover."

She smiled slightly and nodded. "Thank you Cullen," she said, "For everything."

"Well," he began awkwardly, "I think I am going to excuse myself and get some rest myself. I will tell Josephine and Leliana not to expect you at the war table tomorrow morning."

"Thanks," she chuckled, "That's appreciated."

"And if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask," he offered quickly. "Good night, Inquisitor."

She flinched slightly. "Good night Commander," she replied stiffly.

Cullen gave a quick bow and retreated down the stairs. His pride stung, even as his heart pounded. "Why 'Commander'? Are we always at war?" he mumbled to himself, then realized, "Because you called her 'Inquisitor,' you idiot. She's only replying in kind."

All the same, he was glad to have been able to have helped her even a little. As much as he admired her, he was not about to press the subject, not while she clearly still had feelings for Solas. That would be asking for trouble, and he never wanted to cross that elven apostate if he could help it—if he were to ever come back.


	7. Chapter 7

Sure enough, Elanna stayed in bed well past noon the next day. She rolled over and dozed off again several times after drinking down a glass of water to fight off her headache. Even as she lay, aching in her sheets, she was grateful for Cullen, Varric, Cole, and all of her friends that continually tried to cheer her up. Her heart hurt still, and certainly would for a long while, but she no longer felt so alone in it.

She rose, washed, and took a late lunch in her quarters before taking a solitary stroll around Skyhold. Mother Giselle found her as she wandered the battlements above the garden.

"Good afternoon, Your Worship," she greeted Elanna as she approached.

"Good afternoon, Mother Giselle," Elanna replied, turning to meet her.

The older woman drew up to the battlements to join Elanna. "I wanted to tell you that I am sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for your clan, Inquisitor Lavellan," Mother Giselle began gently. "May the Maker guide them to His side."

"Thank you," Elanna replied numbly.

"Sister Leliana told me," Giselle added quickly, "The fate of your clan is not widely known at Skyhold."

"Not yet anyway," Elanna sighed. "There is no reason for the rest of the Inquisition not to know."

"I was wondering, may I hold a memorial service for them?" the aging priestess asked, hurriedly adding, "I know you are Dalish and do not believe in the Maker, but if it can help—"

"Thank you," Elanna nodded, "It can't hurt. Honestly, I don't know what to believe any more. But, if we do make it publicly known that my clan is dead, the followers of the Inquisition will want to do something about it."

"That is my thinking," Mother Giselle agreed, "And perhaps it will help you mourn as well."

Elanna looked down over the garden. Red and white-robed servants of the Chantry roamed all over, between the flowers. She still could not give a good reason for why she decided to establish a Chantry in Skyhold, other than that it seemed like something her people needed. Perhaps it had been the influence of Mother Giselle as well. She had done so much for the Inquisition and for Thedas as a whole. Perhaps Elanna had been hoping to gather more like her to the Inquisition.

She looked back to Mother Giselle's patient, kind face and asked, "There has to be a god or gods out there somewhere, right? That is what gives this life meaning, after all."

Mother Giselle bowed her head and replied, "That is what I believe, but I am sure you know that."

"I used to believe in the elven gods with all of my heart, locked away by Fen'Harel, forever cursing our people to servitude," Elanna admitted, looking away again. "That belief tied me to the rich, lost history of my people. It made us something worth taking pride in, not just romantic vagabonds. But all this," she gestured broadly around her to Skyhold and her gaze came to fall on her left hand, "I don't know any more."

Mother Giselle nodded, listening intently.

"Maybe everyone saying that I was the Herald of Andraste got to my head, but I still wonder if your Maker had some part in my getting through all of this alive. And then meeting Divine Justinia in the Fade. I can't explain it," she struggled to find the words, "Maybe it was her spirit, waiting to help us as she had helped me before. Maybe it was a spirit that identified as her. Maybe it was something else divine? But Corypheus claims that the Golden City was empty, not that I want to trust anything he said."

"And all the things Solas said about his journeys in the Fade," Elanna continued, "Then the ancients at the Temple of Mythal—my people have been mistaken for centuries. The elven gods were real, I spoke to Mythal herself in the Fade, but they're not what I expected. I can't reconcile it all in my head. I want to believe some of it, but I don't know which parts any more. And here in the Inquisition, this is the world of the Chantry and of humans. I feel lost in it all."

"Faith is believing it something even when you are unsure and do not have all of the answers," Mother Giselle replied, "And these days are trying to the faith of the best of us. Not all of us can have the unshakable wills of Seeker Pentaghast."

"And even she doubted at times," Elanna recalled.

"If you seek them, you will find answers you can believe in," Giselle reassured her.

Elanna let out a short laugh despite herself. "Here I thought you Chantry folk were supposed to work to convert people like me to your faith," Elanna chuckled, "Especially one who is supposed to be your Herald."

"No one can force anyone to believe anything, Inquisitor," Mother Giselle replied sternly, "I would not disrespect your heritage, though I do pray to the Maker for your salvation."

"If I have learned anything since leaving my clan, it is that you shemlin aren't so bad," Elanna replied warmly. "That was Keeper Deshanna's belief as well. That is why she sent me to spy on the conclave."

"Then we owe her a debt of gratitude for her wisdom," Giselle observed solemnly, "For sending us our savior in these dark times. Perhaps it is the Maker's will to work through the Dalish, to save us all."

"Maybe your Maker is real." It was at moments like these Elanna most wanted to agree, to believe that there was a reason and purpose for everything. "Or maybe the Dread Wolf is laughing at us again."

"Perhaps," Mother Giselle nodded. Both women were at a loss for more words. Finally the cleric cleared her throat and asked, "If it is not too much trouble, could you provide me with a list of all of the elves of your clan, so that we can honor them all by name?"

"Of course," Elanna agreed, "I will write something up for you this afternoon, if my advisors give me the time to myself."

"Thank you," Giselle replied, "And again, I am very sorry for your loss. May the Maker comfort your days and nights."


	8. Chapter 8

"Inquisitor, if I may have a moment," Josephine beckoned to Elanna as she passed through Skyhold's great hall after the memorial service concluded.

Feeling drained, Elanna shrugged, "Sure." Most of Skyhold had turned up for the service. The tiny chapel had been packed to bursting, and so many people filled the courtyard that even more crowded onto the ramparts above. Mother Giselle's service had been brief and respectful, but what had worn Elanna out was nearly every one of those mourners seeking her out to offer their condolences individually. By now, nearly everyone had returned to their posts and Skyhold's herbalist was fussing about the gardens muttering about trampled flowers. Although it was only mid-day, Elanna felt ready to retire to her quarters already.

Instead, she wearily followed the Inquisition's diplomat back into her study. The study, at least was quiet. Finding a chair near Josephine's desk, Elanna sank heavily into it. Josephine shot her a glance that suggested she had inadvertently breeched some kind of human etiquette, but she didn't care. Josephine gingerly settled herself in her own chair behind the desk.

"Sorry Josie," Elanna apologized, "I'm just exhausted after all of that."

"I admit, I too am overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from the Inquisition's people," Josephine replied gently. "How are you doing otherwise?"

"I miss them," Elanna admitted quietly, "looking up at the ceiling. This chantry service helped, but it was still very foreign to me. Being so far away, it is still doesn't really feel real that they are gone for good, but when I think about how I will never see them again, even if I go back…" she trailed off.

After a moment's peace, Josephine broke the silence again with a gently cleared throat. "That is what I wanted to ask you about," she started, "Well, the proper Dalish way of remembering them. Loranil offered to send for the Keeper of his clan, Keeper Hawen, to perform the final rites for them. The Inquisition has more than enough men to be able to escort them to Skyhold safely."

"Thank you Josephine," Elanna said with a sigh.

"You should be thanking Loranil, not me, for it was his idea in the first place," Josephine replied.

"If Keeper Hawen and his clan are willing to come, I would welcome them with open arms," Elanna reminded, "It would be a comfort to have other Dalish around again. I have not been away from my own kind for so long in my life before." She quickly added, "It's not that I don't like your kind, the dwarves, or the city elves—I am used to you all by now—it's just that my clan only had the occasional direct contact with any kind of outsiders."

"It is natural that you should miss your home, Inquisitor," Josephine said with tender concern.

"I suppose this is my home now," Elanna admitted. "Tarasyl'an Te'las, the place where the sky is kept."

Josephine looked a little mystified at the elven, but continued, "But of course, Inquisitor." She paused then added, "There is one more thing."

"Oh?" Elanna tiled her head.

"I have just received the Inquisition's formal invitation to the coronation of Divine Victoria in Val Royeaux in just four weeks' time," Josephine explained, sliding a creased piece of parchment that had been sealed with an impressive red sunburst. "Will the Inquisition send a delegation?"

Elanna broke a smile, "Of course! I would not want to miss Cassandra's coronation."

Josephine let out a light giggle, "I admit, I would love to see Casandra in nothing but white and red linen, without a weapon upon her again. It's so strange, and yet so stately."

"How soon would we have to leave to make it in time?" Elanna asked, "In two weeks?"

Josephine nodded.

"I would like to go myself, and of course I will have you, Leliana, and Cullen with me," Elanna began to count out on her fingers, "Do ask Mother Giselle if she would like to represent our branch of the Chantry here, and any of the other local clerics. This is important for them. Varric would love to see Cassandra become divine too, I am sure. Sera, Bull, and Cole, well…"

"I will ask them," Josephine pursed her lips thoughtfully, "Though I am not entirely certainly we can trust them to behave themselves at a solemn event such as this."

"They deserve the invitation all the same," Elanna replied firmly. "Though Blackwall, as much as I would like to extend the same to him…"

"Yes, I know," Josephine agreed, "He is not welcome in Val Royeaux and would tarnish our presence there. It has been hard enough to win back the favor of the Orlesians after you pardoned him."

"I did what I had to do, as did you," Elanna said.

"Well, I will begin to make preparations," Josephine said, shuffling the invitation back into the papers on her desk.

Elanna stood stiffly, "Have Cullen put together an honor guard for us, one that would make Cassandra proud. I'm heading up to my quarters for a nap."

"Of course, Inquisitor," Josephine nodded, "I will alert you when our departure details are set, and if I hear anything from Keeper Hawen."

"Thank you again Josephine," Elanna smiled as she turned to go, "I don't know how we could do this without you."


	9. Chapter 9

Varric stared down at the Skyhold courtyard from the battlements as warm, winter sunshine beat down on his back. Unaware of Varric above her, he watched Elanna stroll across the green. She paused on her way towards the quartermaster's office, taking a short detour towards a cluster of three off-duty soldiers. Startled, the three of them hurriedly saluted her, but soon relaxed under her gaze and pleasant smile. They talked for a few moments. One of them even laughed. Then, they all saluted again as she continued on towards the quartermaster.

Varric was proud of her. She was making more of an effort to get to know her people and to seem more like a person—and less like a savior figure-head—to all of them. It did the people under her good, and more than that, it did her good. He could see her mood improving gradually over the last few weeks as she became more connected with the people around her again. The two of them talked and played Wicked Grace every evening after dinner now, in the quiet alcove above the blacksmith's that Cassandra had once favored. During those games, which neither cared who won or lost, Varric saw her relax and lay down the burdens of the Inquisitor from her shoulders, if only for a few hands of cards. The memorials that Mother Giselle and Keeper Hawen performed for Clan Lavellen seemed to be a turning-point for Elanna's grieving. She was gradually able to move on. The presence of the Dalish at Skyhold seemed to be a comfort to her as well, although they too would soon return to the Dales. Keeper Hawen and his clan were uncomfortable with stone walls, humans, and the Chantry surrounding them, as much as they wished to support Elanna.

Even so, Varric still worried for Elanna. Although she was beginning to move on from the death of her clan, somehow the disappearance of Solas seemed to still weigh heavily on her thoughts. A few times each week, while they played cards, their conversations would inevitably lead to Elanna reminiscing about something Solas did or something witty he had said. She would suddenly fall silent, often in the middle of her thought, and stare blankly off into the distance. It was all Varric could to do get her attention back on the cards and change the subject. He could not bring himself to cajole her into moving on. It had been how many years?—and he still had not moved on from Bianca himself.

He could tell that Elanna was improving, but he could also see that she was relying on him for stability. She never missed a night of cards if she could help it and she always thanked him for taking time for her in a way that suggested that she did not expect him or anyone else to give her that time and attention. That concerned him. They would be leaving for Cassandra's coronation in only a few short days, and after the ceremony, Varric would part ways with the Inquisition. He had already arranged for passage on a ship from Val Royeaux to Kirkwall. He could not stay with the Inquisition forever, not when there was so much work to do in the Free Marches, but he was not about to leave Elanna without any kind of personal support. There was, fortunately, another person in Skyhold that seemed to worry about Elanna's well-being as much as he did—even if the man had yet to do much about it.

Varric turned from the courtyard and continued down the battlements. Elanna had already disappeared into the quartermaster's office. Squaring his shoulders, he swaggered up to the door at the end of the walkway and opened it into Cullen's office. It would take all of his persuasive gifts to convince Cullen to get over his own bashfulness to reach out to Elanna once Varric was gone.

Cullen was bent over something on his desk, scribbling furiously, while a soldier stood at attention beside him with a stack of message scrolls in her arms. Cullen hardly glanced up when Varric entered. "Oh, Varric," he observed absently.

Varric stopped a few feet away from the desk, giving Cullen the privacy of his work. "I have a favor to ask," Varric started jovially.

"What is it this time?" Cullen asked exasperatedly, glancing up at him, "Tracking down another rival author of yours?"

"First off, Worthy wasn't even an author. That horrific drivel doesn't count as storytelling," Varric shot back, teasing, "Second of all, there is no way I'd give that plagiarizing crook the respect to call him any kind of rival."

Cullen chuckled and cracked a distracted smile. He dripped red wax on the parchment from the candle burning on his desk then roughly stamped it with the seal of the commander of the Inquisition. He rolled it up and stuffed it into an empty message tube before the wax and ink were dry, passing it to the soldier waiting by his desk. Finally, he paused to scrutinize Varric where he stood before the desk. "So what is it that you want from me, Varric?" he asked, suspicion biting at the edge of his voice.

"Something a little more personal this time," Varric replied enigmatically, shooting a strongly suggestive gaze at the soldier.

"Ah, right," Cullen answered slowly, nodding. He still seemed suspicious. Turning to the solider, he said, "That will be all for now. Take those to the tower and have them sent out by messenger birds before the sun goes down tonight."

"Yes sir," the soldier said crisply, bowing instead of saluting. Her hands were full of message tubes. She shouldered out the door and was gone.

"Call me intrigued, Varric," Cullen began with a bemused half-smile, "What could you want from me that is more personal than your books?"

Varric stepped closer to Cullen's desk. "It's about Elanna."

Cullen's smile faded into worry and he leaned back into his chair. "That's," he began quietly, "not what I expected."

"I want you to look after her after I go back to the Free Marches," Varric replied plainly.

"She's a grown woman, Varric," Cullen sputtered, "and I'm no nurse-maid. I'm her commander."

"And you're the only other person in Skyhold that is as worried about her as I am," Varric retorted keenly.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cullen asked defensively.

"Don't lie to me Curly, I know you're worried about her too," Varric replied more gently.

"I mean, yes, I am worried about her," Cullen stammered, "But she seems to be doing better now."

"Outwardly, maybe," Varric explained, "But she's still fighting with some demons of her own."

"Demons!" Cullen exclaimed, rising abruptly from his chair.

"A figure of speech, Curly, calm down," Varric corrected quickly. He had forgotten about Cullen's fear of demons. _Once a Templar…_ "Trauma, pain, fears, all of those things. She's learning to hide it better, but it's still there."

"I had thought the memorial services had helped her," Cullen mused quietly, sitting back down

"Sure, they helped her with her grief, and that's what's important there," Varric explained, "But what she's still fighting with is a fear of abandonment—Solas leaving so suddenly hurt her more than she will admit—and here I am, another of her friends about to leave."

"You know all of this how?" Cullen asked, leaning closer to Varric over the desk.

"I've been talking with her over cards every night for the last few weeks since she got the news," Varric replied dryly, "She needs friends, Curly, and the people closest to her have been disappearing since Corypheus was defeated."

"I don't know why you'd ask me…" Cullen started, looking away from Varric, "Maybe someone like Leliana or Josephine might do better…"

"Are you kidding? Sister Nightingale scares the shit out of me. Did you hear what she did to that unarmed nun at Valence?" Varric shuddered, "No, I'm not sending Elanna to her for comfort. And Ruffles is too caught up in her etiquette and showing proper respect to the Inquisitor to actually see Elanna as a friend."

"I suppose you're right there, but—" Cullen began to protest.

"And I know you've got a thing for our Inquisitor, Curly," Varric pressed, "You care about how she's doing, whether you actually do anything about it or not."

"No! That's—" Cullen stammered, blushing, "Where would you get an idea like that? I mean—it's not that I don't care about her, I do care. I worry about her."

Varric smiled knowingly. "Easy Curly," he replied, "I'm not shouting your secret feelings to the rooftops."

"Well, at least there's that," Cullen retorted irritably, crossing his arms over his chest and scowling.

"Look, I've seen the way you've looked at her since—when was that?" Varric started again slowly, "Since she came back safely from Haven."

"Staring down a would-be-god and a false archdemon and not flinching, sacrificing herself to save the rest of us, defying death itself to return to us again and to lead us…" Cullen recited quietly. He started off into the distance, as if fondly recalling her heroic deeds, "She always seemed like such a strong woman, though so small."

Varric cleared his throat.

"Ah, um, yes," Cullen stuttered, reminded again of the present, "Yes, fine, I do admire her. How can I not? Who doesn't? But that doesn't mean I'm going to go off and woo the Inquisitor. For Andraste's sake, she's the Inquisitor! She's _my_ commander. And there is certainly no chance that I want to get between her and Solas, even if he is gone."

"Though the both of you may be oblivious to it, half of Skyhold already thinks you are wooing her already, if that makes you feel any better," Varric teased.

Cullen's face darkened to a deeper shade of crimson. "Maker's breath!" he exclaimed, "Where on earth that idea come from? I haven't—"

"It's no secret that you carried her up the tower and tucked her into bed that night," Varric warned, "And, to hear the servants tell it, you kissed her goodnight too."

"What? No!" Cullen sputtered, "Nothing of the sort happened. I just helped her up the stairs and got her some water to help with the hangover. Though, that's not going to stop the rumors, is it?"

"Nope," Varric replied curtly.

Cullen sighed and leaned on his desk, cupping his head in his hands. "What do you want from me, really, Varric?"

"I want you to be her friend," Varric pleaded, "I'm not asking you to replace Solas for her or anything remotely like that. I know it's a tall order, but if you can replace me, that would be enough."

Cullen chuckled at that thought.

"Talk to her. Ask her how she's doing. Play cards with her," Varric continued, "Anything to show her that she's appreciated as an individual and that she's got a friend she can confide in. Some days, she still needs a strong shoulder to cry on, away from the prying eyes of her people."

Looking up, Cullen shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "If that's all, I think I can do that," he stammered reluctantly, "I owe at least that to you for all you have done for us, and for her, taking on all the burdens she has to save us all."

"That's what I like to hear, Curly," Varric nodded, smiling.

"Just don't ask me to spy on her for you," Cullen added sharply.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Varric replied defensively, throwing his hands into the air, "If I wanted that, I would go to Sister Nightingale."

Cullen laughed and Varric joined him.


	10. Chapter 10

The Inquisition's delegation to Val Royeaux ended up comprising of less than thirty people. Only a handful of the Inquisitor's inner circle was selected to go in the end—Cullen, Leliana, Josephine, Varric, and Elanna herself—plus a few clerics and an honor guard of fifteen of the Inquisition's finest soldiers, hand-picked by Cullen himself. While their procession across Orlais had two carriages at its disposal, Elanna insisted on riding at the head of the column herself. Cullen was not about to let her stick her neck out in the face of possible enemies still hiding in the Orlesian countryside, so he led the honor guard beside her.

Although harts were by no means large mounts, Elanna's petite frame seemed out of place atop her majestic steed. Yet, at the same time, Cullen could not help but think she appeared almost ethereal, like the legendary Dalish knights of old. If he had not spent the last several months serving with her, Cullen would have found her a very strange sight for the leader of the Inquisition and Herald of Andraste, on her way to the coronation of the next Divine. The world was changing, and Elanna and Cassandra seemed to spin that change around them.

They had not traveled far their first day before Cullen noticed Elanna riding stiffly in her saddle, hiding a grimace. He rode closely up to her and offered a few pointers to make a long day of riding more bearable, which she accepted with sheepish smiles and thanks, but had little else to say. The following six days of riding followed much the same. Now and then she would comment on the scenery as they traveled, but otherwise remained quiet. Cullen would not breech her solitude in front of his men. She was, after all, his commander. On the third day, it rained a light drizzle all morning and into the afternoon. While Josephine and Mother Giselle fussed about Elanna getting wet, she steadfastly stayed mounted, wrapped in a rain cloak like all of her soldiers. Cullen caught looks of awe and respect from his soldiers, and he felt a glow of pride for Elanna. The honor guard rode even taller from that day forward.

After the first night of camping in the mountain pass in the Frostbacks, every night was spent at the residents of some Orlesian noble or another, carefully arranged by Josephine. Even there, Cullen had little chance to converse with Elanna. At dinners and breakfasts, Elanna was always the guest of honor, her attention dutifully paid to their hosts. At night, Cullen stayed with the soldiers while Elanna was treated to the guest suites, during which time Leliana and Josephine coached Elanna on what to expect at the coronation.

By the time they reached Val Royeaux, Cullen had scarcely exchanged a full conversation with Elanna, even despite his promise to Varric. Yet Elanna seemed to brighten up all on her own as they drew ever closer to the capital city. As they passed through the city gates, she was practically beaming. At least, she was sitting up straighter with a light in her blue eyes and a slight smile on her lips. For someone as unexpressive as Elanna, that was a great improvement. Drawing up beside her on the narrow streets, Cullen observed, "You look pleased to be at the end of this journey. Looking forward to being off your mount?"

"I'm looking forward to seeing Cassandra," she replied, casting a small smile in his direction, "I've missed her."

"I admit, it's hard for me to imagine her looking like the Divine," Cullen chuckled, "But her steadfast faith and vision for the Chantry does credit to all of us who believe in the Maker."

Elanna nodded, chuckling lightly as well. "She's going to have a rough time solving problems without a sword to hit people with," Elanna joked, "I hope whoever she picked for her Right Hand likes sparring."

Cullen laughed.

"Josephine tells me we will not have much time with her in private," Elanna admitted, "But she is trying to get us at least a brief meeting as the leaders of the Inquisition. Though, I am not certain if we are seen as a branch of the Chantry or not, at present."

"Are we?" Cullen asked. Elanna's relationship with the Chantry, as a Dalish elf, remained complex, whatever his own personal beliefs were.

Elanna shrugged, "The Chantry did not recognize the Inquisition when Cassandra and Leliana formed it, and when you all appointed me Inquisitor, it stepped even farther from the Chantry. I plan to remain a personal ally of Cassandra as long as she remains true to her character, whether that extends to the Chantry as a whole, I guess that will depend on how everything evolves from here."

Cullen nodded, "You certainly are getting good at these human politics. Far better than me."

Elanna laughed, "No offense meant, Commander Cullen, but your expertise seems to lie more in war than diplomacy."

Cullen laughed with her, "You have found my weakness, Inquisitor Elanna. We're all better off that that is left to the more capable leadership of Josephine. Still, it's impressive how quickly you've adjusted to life outside of your clan."

"I had to," Elanna's eyes darkened as she shrugged. "And you all have been invaluable advisors, even you."

"For all my lack of diplomacy experience?" Cullen chuckled.

"From you—and Iron Bull as well, believe it or not—I learned how one is expected to lead their followers to victory," Elanna replied, "Not just in battle, but in spirit. The Dalish do not command armies. While I was in training as the Keeper's first, I was learning to lead a clan, but a Dalish clan is more like a family."

"Well," Cullen stammered, humbled, "I had no idea you were watching that closely. Here I thought you were a naturally-born leader."

"Naturally-born learner, perhaps," Elanna replied, "And leading was something I had no choice but to learn. And I am grateful for your help even now."

"Well, I won't be much help in there," Cullen chuckled, gesturing vaguely in the direction of the Grand Cathedral, "You're better off relying on Leliana and Josephine for advice in this city. This is there arena."

"You were once a part of the Chantry," Elanna observed.

"With a sword and shield," Cullen retorted.

"We will see if the Chantry lets Cassandra keep her sword and shield as the Divine," Elanna replied.

"Yes, that would make her happier," Cullen chuckled.

At the ceremony the next day, Cassandra was indeed allowed to keep her sword, if only ceremonially. The clerics had arranged for her to have an ornamental Seekers of Truth sword at her side for the duration of the coronation ceremony. Inside the great hall of the Grand Cathedral, the leaders of the Inquisition and their escort of clerics were given a place of honor to view the ceremony. From the back of the hall, Cassandra would have been nearly unrecognizable, save for the sword, in the white, red, and gold robes of the Divine. Cassandra's unruly dark hair had been shaved away as well, in preparation for the cap of the Divine. From scarcely twenty yards away, Cullen easily recognized Cassandra's scarred face and the fierce determination and devotion in her eyes.

The ceremony began with a chorus of chanters singing relevant passages from the Chant of Light, then it came time for Cassandra to step forward and sing, confidently though off-key, her own portion of the Chant. She stood tall and sang with a rich, raspy voice that Cullen could not help but be enthralled by, despite her lack of singing skills. He could almost feel Cassandra's faith in the air as it hummed with her voice. When this was done, a group of clerics approached her where she stood below the Sunburst Throne, carrying the cap of the divine. She knelt before them. Prompted by the clerics, she recited the formal vows of her office. Then, three of them together lowered the cap onto her shaved head. She rose, as Divine Victoria, and with fire in her eyes drew her sword and thrust it into the air, shouting, "Glory be to the Maker!" Judging by the stunned looks of the clerics as the staggered away from her, that had not been part of the plans. They relaxed again when she sheathed the sword and ascended the dais to the Sunburst Throne and took her seat. One of the clerics pronounced her as Divine Victoria, and the great hall erupted into cheers and applause.

Following the coronation, the leaders of the inquisition joined the long receiving line to greet the new Divine. Empress Celine led the line, nodding graciously at Divine Victoria, who stood to greet her. After Celine was escorted off, Victoria seated herself on the Sunburst Throne and greeted the rest of her new followers. Each curtsied, bowed, or took a knee before her in respect and she nodded to every person that passed. When the Inquisition reached the front of the line, Cullen quickly took his place to Elanna's right and kneeled, bowing his head to Cassandra—now Divine Victoria. When a sudden hush fell around them, he glanced up. While Josephine, Leliana, and even Varric kneeled before the Sunburst Throne, Elanna still remained standing, looking awkwardly stunned up at the Divine, who stood as well. Cassandra smiled warmly down at them, particularly Elanna. The grand clerics shuffled agitatedly around the base of the dais, until she took notice and sat down again. It was her second unconventional gesture as Divine, and the day was still young. She had just treated the leader of the Inquisition with equal respect as the Empress of Orlais.

As the other leaders of the Inquisition rose, Elanna remained bewilderedly rooted to where she stood. At a sharp glance from Leliana, Cullen gently took her arm and guided her away from the dais. Once they moved back into the crowds, he released her arm, asking softly, "Are you alright Elanna? That was unexpected."

She shook of her unease and chuckled, "I forgot what I was supposed to do, and then Cassandra—I mean, Divine Victoria…"

"Forgot what she was supposed to do too," Cullen finished for her, chuckling.

"She certainly is going to give the Grand Clerics some trouble until they get used to her," Leliana observed, laughing quietly. "She certainly will stir things up a bit as Divine. Possibly even more than Justinia did."

"She already is stirring things up," Josephine observed uneasily, "That show of respect for you, Inquisitor, could make our position…interesting."

"Leave it to the Cassandra to make a bunch of clerics uncomfortable just by being herself," Varric chided, "I think she'll do just fine."

They followed the tide of high-ranking well-wishers out into the vast courtyard where the rest of their escort waited among the masses to see the first public appearance of Divine Victoria.

Nearly an hour later, the new Divine appeared on the high balcony of the Grand Cathedral that overlooked the courtyard and the thousands of devotees below. Divine Victoria gave her first sermon as the leader of the Chantry. She praised the works, spirit, and vision of Justinia and vowed to continue her legacy. She spoke of the dangers of division and conflict, urging for unity in reconstruction and reconciliation after the horrors of the Breech. She never mentioned the Inquisition by name, but her references to their deeds were clear enough. The sermon concluded with a prayer for the people of Thedas. After another deafening round of applause, she retreated from view back into the Cathedral. It was the last they would see of her on their visit to Val Royeaux.

The remaining week in the Orlesian capital was spent attending parties of the wealthy and powerful. Josephine juggled conflicting invitations with her usual grace. They attended a luncheon at the palace, at the insistence of the still grateful Empress Celine. Both the empress and Briala went out of their ways to console Elanna on the loss of her clan. Vivienne, now re-elected as the First Enchanter of the Val Royeaux Circle, threw a dinner party in the honor of the visiting Inquisition. She was more than happy to show every respect for Elanna and her advisors, as well as to display her own intimacy with them to the court at Orlais. At Josephine's insistence, they attended four more gatherings thrown by other Orlesian nobles eager to show their support and gratitude to the Inquisition. On their final night in the capital, Leliana and Josephine contrived to rent out an entire tavern to throw a farewell party for Varric. Cullen grudgingly agreed to one last game of cards with the dwarf and the rest of the Inquisition. Josephine won again, but everyone kept their clothes. Varric seemed pleased, retelling impossibly dramatic versions of the adventures of the Inquisition, which grew more fantastic with every mug of ale he downed.

The next morning, the thoroughly hung-over group saw him off at the docks. Elanna gave him a long, heartfelt hug. When she turned away, Cullen could see tears at the corners of her eyes that she struggled to hide.

As Cullen stepped forward to shake hands with Varric in farewell, the dwarf said, "Take care of yourself, Curly."

"You too Varric," Cullen replied.

"Remember our deal," Varric said firmly, squeezing Cullen's hand more firmly and glancing side-long at Elanna.

"You have my word," Cullen vowed solemnly. He certainly could not forget about Elanna.

When everyone had finished their goodbyes, Varric hoisted his bag on one shoulder while slinging his crossbow over the other. "Thanks for everything," Varric said to all of them, "Bianca and I will miss you." He answered the chorus of goodbyes with a wave and turned towards the docks to find his ship back to Kirkwall. It was then time for the Inquisition to load their mounts and take the long road back to Skyhold.


	11. Chapter 11

After returning to Skyhold after almost three weeks away—two weeks of that spent riding—Elanna hardly wanted to get out of her feather bed. Her aching muscles had complained even as she tried to roll over onto her side. In the end, it was her rumbling stomach and a desire for something to eat that drew her stiffly out of bed.

Having eaten and bathed, Elanna wandered Skyhold. She had missed it and the certainty it represented. Somehow, when she had not been looking, it really had become home for her; the home she would always come back to. Without thinking about it, her feet carried her to the atrium that had been Solas' favorite haunt. The bright colors of his frescoes drew her in and comforted. Slowly spinning in a circle, she took them in. He had done this for her, recounting her deeds, but it was still unfinished. She sighed. Just as their relationship felt unfinished.

A clatter and a snorting giggle snapped her attention back to reality. She looked up at the scaffolding that remained against the recently finished wall. Sera's garish red shirt and plaid pants stood out against the subdued colors of the mural depicting the Temple of Mythal. "Sera!" Elanna exclaimed, more forcefully than she meant, "What are you doing?"

Sera snickered again, seeming pleased to have an audience below. "Solas forgot to add a face," she explained gleefully, "It doesn't look nothin' like that Abelas-what's-his-face. I gave him a frown and angry eyes. Much better, yeah?" Sera shifted away from her work to give Elanna a better view. She continued, "I figure this other guy could use a good moustache or somethin'…"

Elanna stepped back to see what Sera had done, practically quaking with dread. A crude frowning face had been painted over Solas' subdued portrait of one of the elven sentinels. Hot, angry tears stung her eyes. "Sera! How could you?" Elanna shrieked. Above, messenger birds cawed in alarm while other conversation in the tower fell silent.

"It's funny!" Sera retorted, offended that Elanna could not see the humor in it, "Come on, fun-ny."

"No, Sera, it's not," Elanna snapped, fighting to keep her voice from cracking in a sob.

"Geeze," Sera scowled, swinging her legs over the edge of the scaffolding to look directly down at Elanna. "Andraste's tits, what's your deal? Oh, right. Solas did this all, right? And you and Solas had that elfy thing goin' on."

"And you just defaced the only thing he left for me," Elanna shot back, on the verge of tears.

"And it's been, what?" Sera retorted, "Two months since he up and left you? Without saying goodbye? Yeah, sure, that's love. Right. Move on! He friggin' left you! For whatever mysterious-fade-elf-thing he does."

Elanna let her head fall. There was no holding back the tears any more. She clenched her fists tightly as her shoulders trembled.

"Maker's balls. Shite. I made the Inquisitor cry," Sera mumbled irritably, "I thought it would be funny, make her laugh and get over stupid, gloomy elf-pants."

"Well, it wasn't funny," Cullen said sharply from the doorway to the ramparts.

Both Sera and Elanna looked abruptly towards him.

"How long've…" Sera started, startled, "Fine, whatever. No moustache for the other guy." She dropped her brush with a rattle onto the scaffolding then jumped down to the floor. Over her shoulder, she added as she left, "That Solas was a real asshole, you know, leavin' you like that."

Elanna remained in the middle of the circular room, fists clenched and trembling with silenced tears.

Cullen crossed the floor towards her and put a comforting hand on her drooping shoulder. "Elanna, are you—" he started gently.

"I'm fine," she sniffed, lying, and turned away from him, "I'm just fine."

"I—" Cullen stammered as she drew away.

Hiding her face from all those who might witness the shame of her tears, Elanna hurried back to her quarters as quickly as she could. When she finally reached the top of the stairs she breathlessly threw herself onto her bed and cried.


	12. Chapter 12

As Cullen ascended into Elanna's quarters with a wooden box and a stack of reports in hand, he braced himself for whatever mood she might be in. She had not joined the council of advisor for lunch or their afternoon meeting at the war table after her outburst that morning. However, Elanna greeted him calmly from her desk where afternoon sunlight poured across her own significant stack of papers. A half-empty glass of wine sat at her left hand. "Good afternoon Cullen," she began, "You're not the usual messenger sent up with reports."

Cullen relaxed at her polite smile. There would be no sudden outbursts of tears again soon. He approached her desk and gestured roughly with the pile of reports, "I thought it best if I deliver some of these in person, so they are not just words on the page, and update you on the war council meeting."

"Oh," Elanna let out. Her shoulders sagged and she pressed her palm to her forehead in sudden realization and embarrassment. "I'm so sorry Cullen. I completely forgot. Just three weeks away and I am already forgetting my schedule. Why didn't you send someone to remind me?"

Cullen searched for words that would not further embarrass her, "We, ah, thought that you might need some time to yourself, after the events of this morning."

"I'm sorry Cullen, I feel terrible about that," Elanna said quietly and hung her head. "I should not have reacted that way. I don't know what got into me. The Inquisitor isn't supposed to fall apart like that. All of Skyhold must know that I am a mess by now."

"Elanna, I—" he started, putting the reports and thin wooden box down on her desk, "It happens to the best of us. I don't think any less of you. None that truly know you could. As much as the Chantry would like to make you one, you are no demigod; you are a person like the rest of us. All of Skyhold already knows that you lost your clan, that many of your closest friends have left, and that you miss them all. One very human—I mean elven outburst like that cannot destroy the respect you have earned over the last year for your unwavering leadership in the face of chaos, when no others would stand against it."

When she looked up at Cullen, her eyes were mercifully dry. "Thank you Cullen," she replied earnestly.

"I, ah, spoke with Archivist Banon," Cullen began again, "And he still has access to the pigments and supplies that Solas used to paint the fresco in the rotunda, if you would like it repaired. Though, it does not seem that there is anyone in Skyhold currently that knows the techniques to do it."

Elanna's smile warmed. "Thank you for that, Cullen," Elanna replied, "I don't think I can stand for Sera's hideous marks on Solas' masterpiece. I watched Solas work a few times. Maybe I could figure out how to repair it myself." She paused, then looked at the stack of reports Cullen had just deposited on her desk. "You said you had some reports you wanted to explain in person?"

"Yes I did," Cullen answered. "Though it looks like you have your own fair share already delivered straight to you."

"Oh, most of these are personal letters," Elanna replied, "From friends, or those who wish to become friends. I may need Josephine's help sorting through the later. Nothing like your formal Inquisition reports. But, I was just forming a reply to a letter from Dorian."

"Oh? How is he doing? Is he back in Mirathous now?" Cullen asked.

"Yes," Elanna nodded, "And true to his word, he is spreading what he learned of Corypheus and his kind, as well as what we learned at the Temple of Mythal, that the elves fell before Tevinter came."

"I am sure that is going over well," Cullen chuckled.

"Fantastically, it appears," Elanna joked, "Many people are calling him unpatriotic or even crazy for that, but he continues. There are some who do believe him, including, it seems, his own father."

"Huh," Cullen mused, "Well, that's a start I guess. We'll leave Tevinter politics to the magister."

"Tevinter mage," Elanna corrected playfully, "As he would be quick to remind us."

Cullen chuckled. "At any rate," he began again, "Quite a lot happened while we were in Val Royeaux." Elanna nodded, as if to signal him to continue. He cleared his throat and reported, "First of all, I have word from our troops in the Free Marches that Wycombe has been freed. They eliminated the Venatori agents, but found that the water supply had been poisoned with red lyrium."

"Which would explain the murderous rage of the Wycombe nobles," Elanna noted grimly.

"Inquisition forces have assisted in acquiring outside sources of water while mages work out if the lyrium can be removed from the water supply. Some residents are being treated for mild addition. Nearby Dalish elves were contacted and agreed to perform the final rites for Clan Lavellan and the elves of the Wycombe alienage that were slaughtered."

Elanna bowed her head. She asked quietly, "Do you know which clan it was?"

"Clan Elasin, I believe," Cullen replied, stumbling on the name. He had read the report many times before deciding how to break the news to Elanna.

"Ma serannas ma falonen," Elanna murmured, "I will have to write my thanks to Keeper Sulahnera."

"There was a letter addressed to you with the reports from Wycombe," Cullen replied, "It has not been opened, but it may be from her."

Elanna reached for the pile and shifted through it, as if counting the number of reports. She sat back in her chair without pulling any from the stack.

"To summarize the rest, although the king has not invited you himself, many Ferelden nobles feel that you have paid more attention to the court of Orlais than to Ferelden and fear that the Inquisition is showing undue favoritism to the Orlesian Empire. We received multiple invitations from nobles to visit Denerim, offering to formally introduce you to the king."

Elanna sighed and massaged her temples, "I accepted this post to deal with the threat of the Breach and Corypheus, not to play the games of the nobility."

Cullen chuckled, "I agree with you on that, and yet, here we are. Leliana insists that King Alistair will not be offended by you not visiting. He's not the type for political games. Josephine thinks that you need to pay a visit to Denerim as soon as possible, to appease the nobility, even if King Alistair doesn't care."

"What do you think?" Elanna asked keenly, leaning forward.

"I think we have more important things to do, like closing rifts, than playing political games," Cullen replied bluntly.

Elanna smirked and let out a short chuckle. "I agree with you, Cullen," she replied, "And maybe it's selfish of me, but I'm tired of playing politics. Let other people who like the Game do that. I'm still the only one who can close Fade rifts, and until that is done, I have an obligation to Thedas to keep closing rifts. Any less would betray the people's trust in the Inquisition."

"Well, I do have good news on that front, disagreements with Leliana and Josephine aside," Cullen continued brightly, "We have reports from most of our sources on other Fade rifts across Thedas."

"Oh?" Elanna responded, "Finally."

"It seems that rifts were most highly concentrated around where the Breach first appeared. The farther away, the fewer rifts. From what we have heard, Ferelden, Orlais, Nevarra, and the Free Marches have the highest concentrations of Fade rifts that still need to be closed. Although, we seem to have already dealt with the majority of the rifts in the populated areas of Orlais and Ferelden."

"And in the unpopulated areas?" Elanna asked.

"Reports of demons roaming in the wilds and countryside have led us to pin-point other rifts that we had previously missed," Cullen explained. Seeing concern on her face, he continued, "Our people are moving into position to contain the known rifts, if they are not already contained."

"And the rest of the rifts?" Elanna asked. Her keen blue eyes hinted at a mind fiercely at work.

"There have been a few reports of rifts opening up in Rivain, Antiva, the Anderfels, the Tevinter Imperium, and even one in Seheron," Cullen explained.

Elanna let out a whistling breath. "Seheron could provide a diplomatic challenge. I hope Josie is up for it," she chuckled dryly, "After we let one of their dreadnaughts explode in on the Waking Sea."

"Well, if it brings you any comfort," Cullen half-smiled, "The Qunari are currently using their rift to train their best warriors to fight against demons. Our spies report that it is well-contained."

Elanna laughed, "I'm going to have to tell Bull that one."

"We are getting all of the known rifts mapped out at the war table downstairs," Cullen reported, "Leliana expects the last of the relevant reports to come in within the week."

"That is the news I've been waiting for since Corypheus was defeated," Elanna grinned, "Finally, I'll be doing something productive again."

Cullen found himself grinning back at her, full of admiration. "That is why I am so glad we have you for Inquisitor," he beamed.

"Was there anything else?" Elanna asked, in a much lighter mood.

"Nothing that you can't read in the reports yourself," Cullen replied, then hesitated before brushing the reports of the thin wooden box and sliding it off the desk into his hands. "But, if you have time, that is, would you like to play a round of chess?" He showed her the thin box. The outside was marked with black and white squares, and it could be hinged open to unfold into a complete board. Wooden pieces rattled inside as he shifted it in his hands.

Elanna gave him a slight smile. "I see you want to escape the stack of reports as badly as I do," she joked.

"Well, I—" Cullen stammered defensively.

Elanna abruptly rose from her chair, then turned and heaved it off the ground. "Here," she said, straining under the weight, "Help me move some chairs and that little side-table onto the balcony."

Cullen hurriedly set the chess set back onto her desk and moved to take the heavy oak chair from her. In the end, she stubbornly refused to let him lift it, despite him being twice her size, and they carried it out the double-doors between them. Elanna returned for the second, smaller chair while Cullen retrieved the small table from beside her bed. Elanna returned once more to her desk to pick up her half-finished glass of wine. "Can I get you anything to drink, Cullen?" Elanna offered as Cullen unfolded the hinged box on the table outside on the balcony.

Cullen thought to refuse, but on hearing the warmth in her voice, he reconsidered. "I will have whatever you are having," he replied with a smile, then went about setting up the jumbled pieces on the board.

Elanna returned with two full glasses of wine and handed to Cullen before sitting down. "Cheers," she said, raising her glass to him.

Cullen clinked his glass against hers. "What for?" he asked, taking a sip. "For procrastination?" he joked.

"To a good game with a good friend," Elanna replied.

Cullen suppressed a blush.

"Though you will probably beat me again," she laughed.

"Oh, come now," Cullen argued, "You played well last time."

"And lost," Elanna retorted, still smiling. "I only learned to play at Haven when Solas thought to teach me. Chess isn't exactly a common game among the Dalish." Her expression darkened only slightly at the mention of Solas. "I have only begun to grasp the strategy of it," she admitted.

Cullen finished setting the final pawns on the board. "I had heard he was wickedly good at it," he observed.

"And he respected me too much to let me win," Elanna laughed, "He beat me soundly every time. I don't think I've ever won a game of this yet."

"Well, maybe today is your day," Cullen said, then reminded her, "White goes first."

"Oh, right," Elanna said, then focused on the board. After a moment's intense thought, she moved one of her pawns forward.

Cullen moved one of his pawns, and the game began.

"In the end, I play for conversation," Elanna said, "As Varric would say."

"Then you don't mind loosing every game you play?" Cullen asked as they played, "That would drive me mad. It almost did, every time my sister beat me, growing up."

"Well, I never said that," Elanna retorted warmly, "It would be nice to win once in a while." She added quickly, "But don't go and let me win."

Cullen chuckled, "I wouldn't dream of insulting your skills like that, Lady Inquisitor." He moved his piece across the board, "My mage takes your pawn."

"Now don't get smug about it," Elanna shot back, then studied the board again. She made her move, then sat back in her chair to sip on her wine and watch Cullen's next move. "You know who else is wickedly good at this?"

"Who?" Cullen asked.

"The Iron Bull," Elanna replied crisply with a smile.

"No, you're kidding," Cullen laughed as he debated his next move.

"Once, when we were traveling across the Dales, Solas and Bull played an entire game in their heads, without a board," Elanna explained.

"What?" Cullen laughed.

"We routed a group of bandits and closed two fade rifts in the middle of their game, and they still kept it up," Elanna recounted with amusement.

"Who won?" Cullen asked in amazement. That was not even something he could do. He certainly did not imagine the burly Qunari as one for mental chess, though he would not put it past Solas.

"Solas, of course," Elanna replied. "Bull may be sharp, but Solas practically lives in his own head."

"Point taken," Cullen replied. "On one hand, I wish I had gotten a chance to play with him, but on the other, I probably don't need that kind of humiliation in my life."

"I would have liked to see him play Josephine at Wicked Grace," Elanna said with wistful nostalgia in her voice. This was the first time Cullen had heard her speak of Solas without looking deeply pained. Maybe she was moving on at last, but, given the events of the morning, maybe she was not.

"That would have been a game for the ages," Cullen agreed as they played. "But if that ever comes to pass, I want nowhere near those cards. I have already lost my dignity thanks to Josephine. I'd hate to see what those two would do to everyone else, playing each other up."

Elanna laughed, "Admit it, you had fun that night."

"Until I made the mistake of singling out our Lady Ambassador, yes," he retorted.

They fell silent, concentrating on their game. Cullen took two more of Elanna's pawns and she took his mage and a knight. Finally, leaned back in her chair and broke the silence, "Thank you Cullen."

"For what?" he asked, looking up at her.

"For being there for me, for being a friend," she replied. There was both warmth and sadness in her voice. "You didn't have to. You could have kept treating me with the same professional, polite distance that Josephine does."

"You speak like this is a burden for me," Cullen argued, chess game forgotten. "I value your friendship too, Elanna. You are one of the most amazing people I have ever met. That you would consider me a friend, that means the world to me."

"You can honestly say that of a mage? A Dalish mage, at that?" Elanna asked.

"You're referring to all of the horrors I have seen mages commit?" Cullen questioned, "They were all individuals—bad individuals—just as you are an individual, one of the best of our age. History shall remember you, alongside Jana Surana, the Hero of Ferelden, as two elven mages who changed the world for the better."

"And history shall remember you as a Templar, who even after witnessing the worst of mages, moved beyond hatred and blind Chantry politics to defend the people of Thedas from what really mattered," Elanna replied seriously. "Don't put me on too much of a pedestal, Cullen. History will put you right there with me and the rest of the leaders of the Inquisition."

"If, perhaps, on a lower pedestal," Cullen laughed.

"You knew the Hero of Ferelden?" Elanna asked suddenly, "I had never heard her given name before; it always is just 'The Hero' or 'The Warden Commander.'"

Cullen nodded, thinking wistfully back to his time at the Circle Tower at Lake Calenhad, before the abominations. "She was one of my charges when I served at the Ferelden circle," he replied. He could still easily visualize the way Jana's straight, sandy-brown hair framed her thin face and how she would always pensively bite her lip when deep in thought. "I even stood for her harrowing, but shortly after that she was conscripted to the Gray Wardens. The only time I saw her again was when she game to restore order after the Tower had been overtaken by abominations. I was… not myself then."

"What was she like?" Elanna asked, "I only ever hear heroic tales of her slaying darkspawn. Though, more than once, I've heard myself compared to her."

"You do remind me a lot of her," Cullen admitted.

"How so?" Elanna asked, reaching for her wine.

"Well, you're both beautiful women, who," he began but regretted it as soon as it was out of his mouth. Elanna, for her part, did not visibly react, much to his relief. Swallowing, he continued, "Who appear fragile at first, but have an incredible inner strength and dedication to the people around them. When Jana was an apprentice at the tower, I would never have imagined that she would be the one who would save all of Ferelden, but in after it was all over and done, I can't bring myself to be surprised that it was her. She cared deeply for people—it nearly got her kicked out of the circle if she had not been conscripted—and she somehow always maintained calm with things falling apart around her. I regret what I said to her when she found me at the tower later… what she must think of me now."

"You admired her, didn't you?" Elanna observed keenly.

"I—yes," Cullen responded uncomfortably. If Elanna saw through him that easily on that point, his admiration of her could hardly be a secret. Here he was, once again, in love with a woman he could not have. "It was a youthful infatuation at the time," he quickly dismissed it, "Something which I never dreamed of acting upon. She was a mage, I was a Templar. It was simple. And, it was clear that she did not reciprocate my affections, however friendly she was. Which was for the best, really."

"After all you've been through, I am glad you don't hate all mages, like so many Templars do," Elanna responded gently. "I hope you've forgiven me for choosing the mages over the Templars in this civil war."

"You know well that I am a Templar no longer, I have moved beyond that," he replied, "And although the Templar order may have my sympathies, I know you acted as you know best. There are bad Templars as there are bad mages, and good ones on both sides. I can only hope that we can rebuild after this war in a way that can bring lasting peace and trust."

"We will do what we can, as the Inquisition, to make it better," Elanna promised. "We both know what that madness cost."

The both fell silent again. Cullen's gaze fell on the chess board where their pieces still waited for the next play. He cleared his throat, and started again, "But here we are getting all grim about the past and the future, when we have a game to finish. Was it your turn or mine?"

"Yours, I believe," Elanna responded.

Cullen sighed thoughtfully and focused on the board, trying to recall his previous strategy. Elanna was every bit as enchanting as Jana had been, but he was an older man now, and he resolved to handle his own unrequited feelings better this time. But, he was not going to give up his promise to Varric to be her friend. As much as he admired her, both as a leader and as a woman, it would not be a difficult promise to keep.


	13. Chapter 13

Having personally inquired with Horsemaster Dennet about the logistics of a year-long trip around Thedas to close the remaining rifts, Elanna felt reasonably confident that they could be ready to set off as soon as the route was decided. Dennet would select one of his most competent stable hands to accompany the small Inquisition force on their journey to look after the mounts. Dennet had already identified to sturdy but fast pack horses to carry their gear. Even as Leliana's scouts sorted through reports of rifts and mapped them out in the war room, Elanna was itching to leave Skyhold and do something useful again.

Dennet had departed to check on the stables near the barracks, leaving Elanna alone at the courtyard stables. She approached the paddock where her majestic red hart, Elgara, was kept and vaulted lightly over the fence. Inside the fence, the mud squished under her boots, but she did not care. The hart bent his head down for a scratch, and she obliged. Reaching up to scratch behind his ears, Elanna murmured her greetings in Elvish, "Aneth ara, Elgara. We will soon be traveling under the open sky again, like both of us are meant to be."

"I know how you feel, cooped up here in Skyhold," she heard a familiar voice behind her.

Elanna turned abruptly to see Blackwall leaning on the fence, watching her. "Oh, Blackwall," she observed startled.

"I'm itching to get out of here and do something useful too," Blackwall continued, "I haven't been behind walls for this long in a long time. I guess the same is true for you Dalish-sort too. Though, at least you had your trip to Val Royeaux."

Elanna gave Elgara another scratch behind the ear then stepped through the muck back to the fence where Blackwall stood. "I'm sorry about leaving you behind for that," Elanna admitted, "But—"

Blackwall held up a hand to cut her off, "No need to apologize for that. I know I am still not welcome in Orlais." He paused then added, "But I hear you're planning a trip to close some more fade rifts."

"And leaving soon, I hope. I was just asking Master Dennet about horses for the trip," Elanna explained, "I expect we'll be gone from Skyhold for over a year, tracking down the last of the rifts."

"If you need another sword and shield at your back to beat down demons while seal those rifts, I'm your man," Blackwall offered boldly, rapping his knuckles against his chest.

Elanna smiled, "I was hoping you would offer. There are few that I trust more to handle themselves predictably around demon hordes."

Blackwall laughed, "Predictable isn't exactly a word I would use for Serra, Cole, or Bull. Are they coming?"

"The roster isn't set yet," Elanna replied, "But I intend to ask them. I only want to take a small group of the Inquisition's best, a group familiar with fade rifts already. I want to be able to move as quickly as we can, to make all of Thedas safer for the common people."

"That's why I'll always follow you," Blackwall smiled, leaning heavily onto the fence, "You care about the people more than the politics."

Elanna snorted, "Dalish have no politics—nothing like you humans anyway, and I still don't understand the need for them. Let Josephine and Leliana handle that. To a Dalish elf, her people are what matter most. And now, it seems that all of Thedas has become 'my people.'"

"You're a good woman, my Lady," Blackwall bowed slightly. It was moments like these that his Orlesian past shone through, but Elanna knew he was not Tom Renier anymore, and had not been for many years. "A far better person than I."

"And it has taken the support of many good people, like you, to get me where I am," Elanna replied. Blackwall bowed his head slightly in response to the compliment.  
"A year ago, if you had told the apprentice Keeper of Clan Lavellan that she would soon be leading a group larger than she could count for the good of all of Thedas, she would have denied that she lacked the strength of heart to ever do something of the sort."

"And here you are," Blackwall smiled, "That apprentice Keeper would have been wrong."

"She could not have imagined then the powerful support of friends that would believe in her and teach her how to lead," Elanna smiled slightly. "I have you and so many others to thank, Blackwall."

"It is an honor to help you shoulder the burden of the Inquisition, my Lady," Blackwall replied, "Maybe someday, doing your good work will earn me redemption."

"Learn to forgive yourself, and you'll be half way there," Elanna replied.

"Now you're starting to sound like Cole!" Blackwall laughed.

"I mean it, Blackwall," Elanna insisted, "And maybe by the time we've made Thedas safe from Fade rifts again, you'll be able to see the good man you have become."


	14. Chapter 14

Elanna had not gotten far in the Tavern when The Iron Bull caught sight of her. He waved to her with a mug of ale in hand, hailing the bar tender, "Cabot, get this woman a drink!" Across the table from Bull, Krem threw her a casual two-fingered salute with a slight smile on his lips.

"It's going on your tab, Bull!" the dwarf called as he turned to fill another mug with ale from the large keg behind the bar.

The tavern minstrel struck up a cheerful tune on her lute and several of the off-duty Inquisition soldiers tapped a fist to their chests in respect as Elanna passed by. She made a point of nodding and smiling at them. Both Varric and Bull had been right about the importance of seeming approachable to her men. Just because Varric was gone, she was not about to let that habit go.

By the time she pulled up a chair next to Krem, there was already a foaming mug of ale waiting for her at the table.

Bull raised his glass to her and said with a grin, "Good to see you, Boss."

"To what do we owe this honor, Inquisitor?" Krem asked with a playful lilt in his voice, raising his glass as well.

Elanna struggled with the weight of the large, overly full mug, but managed to get it off the table a few inches to return the gesture. As she dropped it on the table, foam and ale sloshed over the edges. She slid it closer to the edge of the table and bent over it to sip from the rim.

Bull laughed, "I forget you tiny elf-types have a hard time holding your liquor."

"Even in your hands," Krem joined him in laughing.

Elanna grinned sheepishly. "I have not the experience with taverns that the Chargers do," she laughed.

"Few do," Bull replied, winking his one good eye.

Both Elanna and Krem laughed.

"Maybe that is why I always seem to be able to find you here," Elanna replied, grinning. She paused, wondering for a moment how to breach the subject of her plans to Bull and Krem, but Bull saved her that trouble.

"So what's this I hear about you starting out on another long trip to close rifts?" Bull asked with nonchalance over his mug of ale.

"I was not aware that was generally known yet," Elanna replied.

Bull laughed and shrugged then downed the rest of his ale. As he slammed the mug back down onto the table with satisfaction, he replied, "Once a Ben-Hassrath, always a Ben-Hassrath."

"That's Chief for you," Krem chided, "Never one to stay uninformed."

"You really ought to keep decisions more secure if you want to avoid giving fodder for spies," Bull offered, waving to the bartender for more drinks. "I could give Red a few tips on that."

"Given her mood lately, she might even take you up on that," Elanna replied.

Bull let out a thoughtful grunt.

"Well, however you found out, that saves me explaining why I came to find you," Elanna chuckled. There was really no need to keep things hidden from The Iron Bull. He had never been a security threat even when working for the Ben-Hassrath, but now that his ties were cut, Elanna had even less to fear.

"See, what did I tell you, Krem?" Bull laughed then turned his attention back to Elanna, "What can we do for you, Boss?"

"I don't know the details of what you've heard, but—" Elanna started, but Iron Bull cut her off.

"You'll be leaving soon with a small contingent of Inquisition forces to close all known Fade rifts, and probably will not return for at least a year," Bull finished for her. "It's amazing how fast things get around the Inquisition servants."

"It's amazing how fast _you_ get around the Inquisition servants," Krem rolled his eyes.

Iron Bull laughed loudly.

"Well, that is the basics of it," Elanna started again, somewhat uncomfortably.

"Oh, don't worry Boss," Bull reassured her, "I've only been talking about it with Krem here."

"And I haven't told a soul," Krem added, "On my honor."

Elanna relaxed visibly. Leliana did hate secrets getting out without her hand guiding them. She thoughtfully took a sip of her drink. The bitterness of ale favored by humans and much of the rest of Thedas was something she still was not fully accustomed to. "Not that it needs that much security," she began, "I wanted to talk to you about your involvement in this trip."

"And?" Bull asked, uncharacteristically attentive.

"I haven't decided yet," Elanna replied. "I value your help in the field, Bull. You've got more experience than almost anyone else here dealing with demons and Fade rifts."

"Demons and Fade rifts," he snorted, "As-eb vashe-qalab…" he broke off into angry muttering, then boldly interrupted himself, "Yes I do, Boss. I'm one of your best. You'll need me out there."

"But, we're traveling very light, with only a small contingent of troops," Elanna explained, "Enough Inquisition soldiers will be clamoring for escort and scout duty on this one that we can't justify adding the full Chargers to the regular roster, and I don't want to take you away from your company for over a full year."

"I appreciate it, Boss," Bull said, nodding slowly. His usual joviality was gone. "I've been talking to your Commander about jobs lately, and it sounds like there is still a lot of cleanup for my boys to do in Southern Thedas."

Elanna's shoulders slumped in disappointment. She had wanted to have Bull's reassuring presence with her in the field, however reluctant she was to separate him from the Chargers.

"Which is why I'm going to leave the Chargers in Krem's capable command while I am gone," Bull continued.

Krem looked as shocked as Elanna felt. His eyes grew wide as he gaped at Iron Bull, nearly dropping his mug. Elanna never expected him to voluntarily leave his mercenary company behind for that long. "Chief, are you sure?" Krem stammered.

"Sure I am," Bull replied firmly, "The Inquisitor needs me out there, and the Inquisition needs the Chargers elsewhere. The boys respect you as much as they respect me. You just need a good hard-ass second to keep some of them in line. I think Skinner could do the job. And I expect regular reports sent to the field with whatever Red and Cullen send out to us." His thorough explanations made Elanna suspect that this was something he had already thought through an decided, long before she walked into the tavern.

"I won't let you down, Chief," Krem responded, with more confidence this time.

"Bull, you don't have to…" Elanna started hesitantly.

"No, I don't have to," he replied stubbornly, "But this world needs you to stay alive and keep closing rifts, and you need all your best assets on the field with you to keep you safe. Never can get too confident when fighting demons. That'll kill you."

"Thank you, Iron Bull," Elanna replied, still somewhat in awe.

"Besides, where else in the Inquisition are you going to find someone built like this?" Iron Bull shifted easily back into joking, flexing his biceps over the table.

Elanna and Krem laughed.

"Really, thank you Bull," Elanna repeated, "I'll feel a lot safer with you out there."

"That's the idea, Boss," he replied with a smile, "That's my job." He shifted his attention to Krem, "Now you and I need to have a good talk about all this before we break it to the boys."

"Right," Krem agreed, "We don't want any of them thinking you abandoned us."

"Exactly," Bull nodded, "Or that things will be any less fun with you in charge."

Krem laughed, "Yours is going to be a hard act to follow. My jokes aren't nearly as bad as yours."

Elanna smiled and relaxed back into her seat. Although others of her closest friends had left, it was a relief to have many good people still in the Inquisition.


	15. Chapter 15

The light in Cullen's office was growing dim as the sun sank behind the mountains. Deep in reports and deployment plans of the contingents of Inquisition scouts and soldiers stationed around the remaining Fade rifts, Cullen had forgotten to light his lamps, even as the shadows grew longer. He was determined to find a sustainable rotation plan for troops in and out of the field to keep reserves busy and forward troops from being overtaxed. Keeping vigilant against demons was no small task, and many rifts were still far from the Inquisitions keeps and outposts. The journey itself to and from rifts would be plenty taxing enough. At least Josephine had procured supply lines from traders and allies in the more remote locations. More than anything, Cullen wanted to design a self-sustaining system that could last until Elanna finished her tour of Thedas. Cullen needed to free himself of this, his most complex administrative duty, if he was to be able to convince anyone that him accompanying Elanna's honor guard was a good idea.

The tip of his quill snapped as he scribbled out his most recent attempt to diagram the rotations and he cursed under his breath. He leaned over to dig through one of the poorly-lit desk drawers for a spare quill when the loud clanging of a door latch startled him. He cursed again as his hand caught something sharp in the dark drawer. He instinctively brought the cut on his hand to his mouth as Elanna entered through the center door of his office.

"Good evening Cullen," she said brightly, then glanced quizzically at the unlit lamps in the corners of the room.

Embarrassed, Cullen lowered his hand and stammered as he stood to greet her, "Elanna, what brings you here?"

She did not answer his question, but observed as she approached his desk, "You're working late."

"It's these troop rotation plans for the rifts," Cullen sighed, gesturing to the disheveled piles of maps, lists, and diagrams on his desk.

Elanna reached his desk and took his candlestick in her hand. "Here, let me light your lamps for you," she offered, even as she started walking towards the nearest lamp.

"You don't have to do that," Cullen said quickly, "Inquisitor. The servants will come around soon enough."

"No I don't, Commander," Elanna shot back as she gingerly lit the first lamp and moved towards the second, "But I am happy to give the servants a break." She lit the second lamp in the next corner and added, "And it wouldn't do for you to tax your eyesight by trying to work in the dark. I would hate for you to go blind from desk work."

Cullen chuckled and sighed, "Wouldn't that just be my fate?"

Elanna lit the last of the three gas lamps and returned the candle to Cullen's desk. "See? Now that's done and it's not so dreary in here," she pronounced.

"Thank you," he said, bowing his head to hide his embarrassment that he had let the Inquisitor do a servant's job for him because of his own absentmindedness.

Elanna dragged a light wooden chair over to the front of the desk and sat down. Cullen took that as a cue for him to sit as well. "So, what brings you here, Elanna?" he asked professionally.

"I was just speaking to Blackwall and Bull," she began, "Both would like to be included in the expedition."

"I'm glad to hear it," Cullen nodded in approval, "We need good men like them with plenty of experience with rifts and demons. Not that I would ever send you out with an escort of green troops shaking in their armor at the mention of wisps. You are capable, of course, but this is no training mission for recruits."

Elanna laughed, "I know you wouldn't. You value me staying alive long enough to close all the rifts as much as the next citizen of Thedas."

"I never said that," Cullen objected, "Your value to m—the Inquisition is far more than the simple utility of your magicked hand."

Elanna smiled and tiled her head to the side, as she tried to conceal a laugh, "I'm sorry Cullen. I was just teasing."

He chuckled uncomfortably but relaxed. "And what of the Bull's Chargers? I hope you didn't promise them a position on the expedition. We haven't been saving room for them on the roster or in the budget."

"Bull handed over acting command to Krem for the duration of the journey," Elanna explained.

Cullen nodded with approval, "Krem is a good man."

"His only stipulation for us was that Krem be allowed to send reports along with yours or Leliana's when they come to me in the field," Elanna continued.

"That would be easy enough," Cullen responded then hesitated. Elanna clearly assumed that he would be remaining at Skyhold during her journey. He swallowed then began again tentatively, "Though, I had hoped that I would be allowed to accompany you myself, that is, if you would have me."

Elanna leaned back in her seat for a moment to consider his offer. "I'm surprised, Cullen," she replied slowly, "I thought that nothing short of a personal vendetta or a major siege could coax you out of Skyhold now."

_It is personal this time too,_ he thought to himself. "Now that we no longer have a war going, I am not as needed here," Cullen explained, "In peace time, I may yet suffer death by paperwork in these halls."

"And you will still be able to command the Inquisition's forces from the road?" Elanna asked keenly.

Cullen cursed himself silently for breaching the subject too soon. He had not yet finished developing his plans for command from the field. "Our communications networks are stable now," he replied with more certainty than he felt, "And if I can get these duty rotation plans established how I'd like, they will run themselves without me. I have good people under me to act as my arms back at Skyhold while we are gone."

Elanna pursed her lips thoughtfully, sitting in silence. Cullen tried not to fidget while she thought. Finally, she spoke, "If you are confident that you can still effectively command the Inquisition's forces from the road, I would be glad to have your sword at my side, Cullen. I believe it would be good for the morale of our troops in the field as well, to see you relieving them at the rifts or visiting the outposts."

Cullen laughed, relaxing, "They will hardly notice me. It is you, Inquisitor Elanna Lavellan, that they will be most honored to see."

"You sell yourself short, Cullen," she replied with a smile, "When I first met you in the valley outside of Haven, I could see that you deeply valued your men and that they deeply respected you in return. Since then, you've lead me just as much as you've led our troops. You are important to the Inquisition, and everyone who has ever seen your seal on orders or reports sent across Thedas knows that."

Cullen laughed to hide a blush, "I'm amazed you have such a pleasant memory of that day. We were fighting a losing battle on a horrific battlefield, and everyone was determined to see you as the enemy."

Elanna gave him a sideways smile, "It's better to keep the good memories in the midst of dark times."

"You never cease to amaze me, Elanna," Cullen marveled, "The Maker really must have sent you, to have given us such a capable Inquisitor out of nowhere."

"I don't know the truth of that myself," Elanna shook her head and shrugged.

Silence fell between them. Suddenly, Cullen regretted bringing up the Maker to Elanna, who did not fully embrace the Chant of Light. While she had never fully rejected it either, Elanna never seemed quite comfortable with her divine title. Though, she had taken it with more grace than Cullen would have expected of a Dalish elf.

Cullen's stomach suddenly rumbled loudly. He straightened up and asked, "Would you care for another game of chess over dinner? I could ask for the servants to bring food for the both of us from the kitchens."

Elanna's sudden, warm smile made Cullen's heart race. "I'd love to," she said. "I may yet win a game of this."

Cullen rose from his chair and pointed to the shelf on his right. "The board is stored over there, if you would like to set it up," he explained, "while I go flag down a servant about dinner."

"Of course," Elanna replied with another gentle smile that made Cullen's heart race all the faster.

He hurried out of his office and onto the parapets, hoping that the cool evening air would calm his nerves. _What am I doing? I promised myself I would not let myself fall for her, not when Solas could still be out there. She still misses him—but sometimes I wonder at how she treats me. The more time I spend with her, the more I want to spend time with her. That blasted dwarf must have known he was setting me up. Maker's breath, what have I gotten myself into?_ Try as he might, Cullen could not be angry at the promise he had made to Varric. The very thought of Elanna waiting in his office to play another game of chess warmed him to the core even as the brisk mountains winds blew about him.


	16. Chapter 16

Elanna's neglect of the war council meetings for the first two days since returning from Val Royeaux allowed for the map dotted with markers for every known Fade rift in Thedas to be something of a surprise for her. Leliana, Josephine, Cullen, and their assistants had painstakingly marked the location of each on Skyhold's largest map spread across the great wooden war table. There were 68 known rifts remaining, and a spindly Inquisition marker sat on the war table for each of them. To the Inquisition's credit, very few rifts remained in Orlais and Ferelden, and those that lingered lay in far-flung, remote corners of the kingdom.

The three advisors stood ready behind the war table by the time Elanna arrived. Cullen could not help but grin at the look of awe that spread across her face and was rapidly replaced excited determination.

"Well done all," she said with satisfaction as she reached the table and surveyed the patterns. There was more life in her blue eyes than he had seen in months. "This is impressive."

"As is the task before you," Leliana added grimly, "of closing them all."

"Planning a year's journey for this is rather optimistic, don't you think?" Josephine commented skeptically.

Cullen hummed his agreement, nodding. "If they were all in a straight line, that would be one thing, but you and your team are going to have to do a lot of side-trips into remote, hard to reach areas," he said.

"And it would not do for you to pass through sovereign domains without paying visits to the local lords," Josephine added, tapping her writing board with her quill thoughtfully. "When you are near civilization, that is."

Cullen snorted and Leliana giggled.

"What?" Josephine demanded.

"The point of this expedition is closing rifts for the safety of all of Thedas, not social calls," Leliana reminded her, teasing.

Elanna, unperturbed by her advisors' lighthearted bickering, gazed fixatedly over the map and the rift markers.

"And it is the duty of the Inquisition to show our appreciation for our supporters and woo those that are still skeptical," Josephine retorted, "Especially now that we have achieved our primary stated goals of closing the Breech and stopping Coryphaeus. We must not appear as a faction that is past our use."

"But we haven't closed all of the rifts," Cullen shot back, "And that is our primary duty to Thedas now. The longer we dally with social games, the more people will be threatened by demons on the loose."

Elanna cleared her throat quietly and silence fell over the chamber as all attention shifted back to the Inquisitor, habitual arguments forgotten.

She reached out and lightly touched the top of the nearest marker to her with the fingers of her right hand. "If we are able to depart soon, we may make it to this cluster in the Korcari Wilds before winter sets in. Then we can move up through eastern Ferelden towards that rift outside of Denerim, catching those other remote rifts on the way. We can visit King Alistair and his court then, before heading for the Waking Sea, catching the rest of the rifts in the north before crossing over to the Free Marches—is that a rift in the sea itself?"

"According to our sources," Leliana replied hesitantly, "Unfortunately yes."

"Then that is our path," Elanna nodded grimly, unflinching at the thought of another submerged rift. In that moment, Cullen both feared for and admired her. She continued, "We can wind our way through the Marches, Antiva, and Rivain before heading west again. By the time we make it through Nevarra and Tevinter to the mountains in the Anderfels, it should be well into summer. We can avoid the rough winters there if we move quickly."

"Then back through Orlais to catch the few remaining rifts in remote areas there, and return to Skyhold when it is all done," Leliana nodded approvingly.

Elanna shifted her attention from the expansive map and its markers to the ambassador. "Josephine," she began professionally, "Can you make arrangements for our visit to Denerim, without relying on any of our invitations from the nobility there? I don't want to fall into any power plays by being the guest of anyone but the king."

Josephine cringed and looked like she was about to argue, but an eye-roll from Leliana discouraged her. She replied, "That should not be too difficult, as King Alistair is not one to stand on ceremony, and the Inquisition has already attended to his personal requests on a few occasions already." Josephine paused and added, "You have clearly thought this through, Inquisitor."

"I've had a lot of time for thinking lately," was Elanna cool reply. She turned her gaze on Cullen and Leliana, "Does that route seem reasonable?"

"It was one possibility we were already discussing," Leliana nodded, "And you make excellent points about the seasons."

"Then let's start planning, assuming that this is our route," Elanna said definitively. "Cullen, have you finalized our roster?"

He nodded slowly, "Scout Harding has agreed to lead the scouts on this expedition that will travel ahead of your entourage. She is finalizing her roster of four more scouts for the trip. As to your honor guard, Belinda Darrow and Lysette are our two best Templar agents, well experienced against demons. The Inquisition's mages are finalizing which two will accompany you, though I have heard that Neria is at the top of the list."

Elanna nodded approvingly. "A light but elite force. Templars and extra mages are appreciated, and I am glad Harding agreed to take the trip. The Inquisition has none better," she said, "With Bull, Blackwall, Cullen, and probably Cole and Sera, that will be all the force we need for the journey."

Cullen cringed as Josephine's eyebrows shot up in question and Leliana gave him a sidelong glance. "I didn't know you planned to accompany the Inquisitor, Commander," Leliana observed slyly.

"Well," Cullen feigned confidence that likely fooled neither Leliana nor Josephine. He had not anticipated that Elanna would share his plans so soon. "I was still finalizing the arrangements. Now that we do not have a war to fight, I am no longer so necessary at Skyhold. I should inspect our forces spread across Thedas, and it will do their morale good for me to check on them and thank them for their service."

Leliana cocked her head to one side with a half-smile, looking unconvinced.

"We may not be in a war any more, Commander Cullen," Josephine argued, "But can we really spare both you and the Inquisitor from Skyhold for a whole year?"

"Knight-Captain Rylen is prepared to return to Skyhold to take care of the day-to-day business," Cullen explained with more confidence, "And I have finished a rotation schedule for rift watch teams that should practically run itself, under his guidance. Besides, Elanna needs capable warriors at her side that will not flinch at the sight of demons." He paused then added, "And it is not as if I will be cut off from the Inquisition when I am in the field. I will be able to send and receive regular reports, as you know."

"If you are certain of it," Josephine acquiesced slowly.

He nodded, "I am."

Elanna stepped closer to the table, pressing her hands against the smooth wood. "I welcome Cullen on my expedition," she said firmly.

"Well, if that's settled," Leliana began curtly, "We should begin sorting out logistics. I believe we can have your expedition ready to depart in ten days, Inquisitor, if you desire to be on the road as soon as possible."

Elanna nodded, "Thank you. If there is nothing more, I will go speak with Sera and see if I can't track down Cole, wherever he's gotten to."

"Yes," Leliana replied, "We can take things from here."

"Thank you," Elanna said before she turned to go, "All of you. It will be good to be doing good work again." With another appreciative glance for each of her three advisors, she headed for the great wooden doors and departed.

The creaking doors had hardly slammed behind Elanna when Leliana let out a devious laugh, "So it's only for the morale of the far-flung troops you are joining this expedition, is it, Commander?"

"Yes, that's it," Cullen retorted uncomfortably, "And that it's been too long since I did something useful outside of Skyhold."

"Or does it have something to do with losing your chess partner when our lady Inquisitor takes to the road again?" Leliana pressed playfully.

Josephine giggled.

"No, no," Cullen protested, but he felt his cheeks growing hot, "It's nothing like that."

"I've seen the way you look at her Cullen," Leliana teased.

"You spend more time in her company than you do at your desk these days," Josephine added, eyes dancing mischievously.

"Now, that's a gross exaggeration," Cullen argued, flustered.

"You know what they're saying around Skyhold?" Leliana taunted him.

"I'm sure _you_ do, master spy," Cullen snapped irritably, crossing his arms, "Leave it be."

"Oh come now, Cullen, there is no harm in admitting that you admire her," Josephine chided lightly.

"I admire her as an inspiring leader, nothing more," he shot back, irritation building. If he could not trust his colleagues to leave him alone, all the more reason he needed a break from Skyhold. "True, she has become a good friend, but intend for nothing more."

"And yet you pine," Leliana teased melodically.

"Maker!" Cullen exclaimed, seething, "Can't you just drop it? We have work to do."

"That we do," Leliana replied, eyes still dancing merrily.

Josephine glanced over at Leliana and smiled, sharing in silent laughter with her. Cullen did his best to ignore it. "Where shall we begin, then?" Josephine asked, picking up her quill again, "Supply lines? Lodging? A proper send-off?"

Cullen did not care. He let Leliana and Josephine lead the course meeting while contemplating whether or not to ask Sera to run both Leliana and Josephine's under-things up the flagpole in the courtyard.


	17. Chapter 17

After the way their last interaction had gone, Elanna was uncertain how to approach Sera about joining the expedition. She welcomed Sera's help, however different their opinions may be. With the expedition's departure nearly a week away, it was time for her to stop procrastinating, and track down the other elf.

Although it was the middle of the day when Elanna entered the tavern, Maryden the bard was plucking the melody of "Sera Was Never" on her lute and humming to herself. The barkeep and the inn staff seemed to be her only audience. With a nod to Maryden, Elanna ascended the stairs and made her way to the room Sera had claimed as her own upon arriving at Skyhold. She was surprised to find the door closed. Sera almost never closed it, except for when she was sleeping, and even then she sometimes forgot. Elanna hesitantly knocked twice on the door.

"What?" came Sera's abrupt voice from within. The door swung open and Sera's expression quickly shifted from annoyance to bashful surprise. "Oh, it's you," she observed. "That song is creepy," she added, eyeing Maryden below as if in explanation for the closed door.

"I can't say I've gotten used to people writing songs about me either," Elanna replied awkwardly.

"But you're the Inquisitor, the Herald of Andraste, you better get used to it," Sera shot back, teasing, "I don't know what she means by writing a song about me." She paused, then stepped back from the doorway. "Well, come on," she invited.

Elanna stepped inside and Sera shut the door heavily behind her.

"Sera, I—" Elanna began slowly.

"Stop," Sera cut in abruptly, "Before you say a thing. Look, I'm sorry for that thing earlier. Solas was an ass, but he was your ass. You haven't been you since he left. You need to stop being stupid about him being gone, but that was a wrong way to do it." She turned and snatched a small white cloth back from her shelf then thrust it at Elanna.

The bag was slightly warm and smelled of cinnamon. "What's this?" Elanna asked, taken aback. Sera was not the sort of apologize.

"I'm-sorry-cookies," Sera replied, then added quickly when Elanna started to untie the drawstring at the top, "No, don't eat them now. I don't want to see your face when you try them. They're awful, but I tried anyway."

"Thanks Sera," Elanna stammered. "You're right. I haven't been myself. I haven't had anything useful to do either, and that hasn't helped."

"Wanna go hang a bucket over Josephine's door?" Sera offered brightly.

Elanna laughed but turned her down, "That's not really me either. I'll pass."

"You're not fun," Sera teased.

"So, if you didn't know I was bakin' cookies, what are you here for?" Sera asked, crossing her arms in front of her.

"I'm leading an expedition to close the rest of the rifts across Thedas. It will probably take a year or more," she started, "I wanted to ask, would you come with me?"

"I was wonderin' when you'd finally ask," Sera retorted, "But I'm glad a little face paintin' doesn't mean you and me are done."

"So you'll come?" Elanna asked. Sera's mix of annoyance and friendliness had her off-balance.

"Duh," Sera retorted with joking forcefulness, "I'm not done putting arrows in demons until they're done pouring out of holes in the fade. Until we close all of the rifts, nobody gets to live a normal life."

Elanna smiled and sighed out a relaxing breath. "Thanks Sera, I'm glad," Elanna said warmly, "I'd rather have you at my back when I'm fighting demons than any of the other archers in the Inquisition."

"Of course you would," Sera replied proudly, "Cullen's archers are good and all, but some of 'em haven't seen demons since Adamant, if then. Half of 'em'll shite their pants if one of those comes at 'em out in the wild." She continued, "So we leave next week, yeah?"

Elanna smiled. Of course Sera already knew. Talk of the expedition had started a few days ago, and it was no secret around Skyhold by now. "Yes, my advisors are finalizing preparations," she replied, "It looks like it will be the middle of next week, if all goes well."

Sera nodded. She turned and paced towards the window, staring out over the mountains. "Comin' here, to the Inquisition, wasn't a bad idea," she said absently, "You get shit done when it needs to be." She turned back to Elanna and added, "Your war table is missin' three rifts, you know. Two in Orlais and one in Nevarra."

"This is news from your friends?" Elanna asked.

"Yeah," Sera nodded, "People know where the dangerous spots are."

"Have you told Leliana?" Elanna inquired.

"Nah, but I will," she said, and a devious grin spread across her face, "She hates it when my people hear about things before her people do."

Elanna laughed, "You do that."


	18. Chapter 18

Cole was not in his favorite loft above the tavern. Nor was he anywhere on the walls, that Elanna could find. And, although she overheard servants complaining that lemons were going missing again, he was not to be found in the kitchen either. Politely greeting the kitchen help and making her excuses, Elanna ascended to the main floor of the Skyhold keep and wandered aimlessly, hoping to catch a glimpse of the boy that became more and more spirit by the day. Without planning it, Elanna found her in the rotunda again, surrounded by the bright elven frescoes. The colors seemed to embrace her as she gazed at them, in memory of Solas. She drunk in the warmth of them, and the memories that each portion of the mural evoked. In her mind's eye, she could see Solas thoughtfully pondering half-finished frescoes, hand resting on his sharp chin. She could see him perched atop the scaffolding, applying brilliant blue to the walls with the same gentle care that he explained the mysteries of the Fade to her.

"Brilliant blue like the sky reflected in her eyes, eyes of hope, eyes of promise, eyes of curiosity, comfort, calm…" Cole's voice pulled her out of her own recollections. She shivered as Cole echoed the memories of the room, Solas' memories.

"Cole," she let out, startled, "I was just looking for you."

"You were looking for him," Cole disagreed pointedly, "In the colors."

Elanna sighed, trying to ignore the ache in her chest and bring herself back to the present, "Before that."

"I want to go," Cole replied abruptly, as if reading her thoughts. "I can help heal the hurt, stop the sprits from becoming demons, stop the demons from hurting people. I want to help."

Elanna smiled, "Thank you Cole. That was just what I'd been hoping you'd say."

"I know," Cole replied with distant warmth.

There was a flurry of wings above, the sound of one of Leliana's birds coming to roost. "Sister Nightingale!" a small voice called urgently, high above them.

Cole looked up sharply, staring intensely at the top of the tower. "She knows now, the news she waited for. She doubted." Cole looked down again and fixed his intense eyes on Elanna again, "But now she has it, and she knows it will make you happy."

"Make me happy?" Elanna asked. Her heart leaped. Could it be news of Solas?

"She comes," Cole reported evenly, then disappeared, leaving nothing but an empty room behind him.

Elanna flinched at his sudden disappearance. She waited where she stood, muscles tensing and she strained to listen to the conversations higher in the tower. Soon, she heard the sound of footsteps softly descending the stairs. Leliana tread through the doorway and into the rotunda. She paused upon seeing Elanna waiting for her, "Inquisitor, I was just coming to find you."

"What is it?" Elanna asked. Her heart pounded anxiously as she forced herself not to be too hopeful. She did not want to be let down again.

Leliana drew nearer. "I've just received a report from my scouts in the Easter Imperium," she began softly. She paused, then started again, "You know how I dislike loose ends. After Solas disappeared and he evaded my people so completely, I had some of them look into what we knew of him. When he joined, he told us he was from a small town in Northern Thedas, near the edge of the Imperium, unlikely to appear on any map. He was evasive then, but it seemed enough. We were desperate for help like his at the time. Now I wish I had questioned him more."

The suspense of Leliana's own evasion felt suffocating. "Leliana, what is it?" Elanna asked with hoarse urgency. The tightness in her chest overwhelmed her.

"My scouts have just reported, they found the village," Leliana continued darkly, "It's ruins, and it has been for centuries. There is no sign of anyone living anywhere near there in recent memory."

Elanna's shoulders sagged. Another dead-end.

"Inquisitor, I'm sorry," Leliana said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder. There was sadness in her eyes. "Whatever his purposes, Solas deceived us from the start. I want to believe his intentions were good, but this, and his mysterious departure, they raise too many questions. Nonetheless, my people will continue to search. If he is still out there, the Inquisition will find him."

Elanna flung her arms around the spymaster in an impulsive embrace. "Thank you Leliana," she whispered, trembling.

"I know you still believe in him," Leliana said softly, "I wish I could too."


	19. Chapter 19

Cullen ascended into Elanna's quarters, folded chess-board in hand. Elanna stood on the balcony, back to him, watching the sun set over the snow-capped mountains. A cold breeze nipped through the room, but Elanna did not seem to mind. "Good evening, Cullen," she called, still facing away towards the peaks.

"Good evening," he replied, crossing the room towards her. He paused as a bouquet of elfroot and other fresh wildflowers on the edge of her desk caught him off guard. _Does she have a suiter?_ "Flowers," he blurted, "Who are those from?"

"Cole, probably," Elanna replied, turning towards him. "They remind me of home." She smiled, a flimsy mask over her sad, lonely eyes. She leaned back against the balcony railing, watching him approach.

A need to embrace her, to protect her rushed over Cullen as it had the night she had heard of her clan's massacre. Stopping in the doorway to the balcony, he fought back the urge and straightened up, clearing his throat. "Would you care for another game tonight?" he offered to her.

"Not tonight," she replied, shaking her head and looking away, "I need some time to myself."

Cullen knew he should leave, but he could not make his feet move from where he stood. He could not bear to leave her to her loneliness. "I heard the news from Leliana," he started, hopeful to get her talking.

"I can't bring myself to believe that Solas lied to me," she replied quietly, looking anywhere but at Cullen. The evening breeze teased at her brilliant red hair, the same color as the sunset reflected on the snow. After a long pause, she added, "But I never thought he would leave me like he did, either. The knowledge that I know even less about him than I thought…Cullen, it makes me feel so lonely it hurts. If even he abandoned me…"

Something inside Cullen snapped. His feet moved seemingly of their own volition, closing the distance between them. He wrapped his arms around her in a gentle embrace, resting his chin on top of her head. At first, she was startled and stiff in his arms, but she gradually relaxed, leaning into him. "I can't bear to see you like this, Elanna," he murmured into her hair. "I am here for you, whatever you need."

"Cullen…" she sighed into his chest.

"You deserve better, far better," the words rolled off his tongue even as he fought to keep them in. He _needed_ to comfort her. Everything that was within him forbid him to walk away, leaving her alone. "You deserve better than abandonment and loneliness. You are the most incredible woman I have ever known, and to see you like this, I can't bear it." Cullen realized that it was him, not Elanna, that was trembling. He took a deep, steadying breath. _It's now or never,_ he realized. He would forever regret it if he did not take this chance to speak his feelings now. Every day, the ache he felt to have her near grew more and more unbearable. Holding her now, as the sun sank towards the horizon beyond the Frostbacks, his chest felt near bursting. "Elanna," the words tumbled from his mouth even as he felt horror at hearing his own voice speak them, "I care for you. I can't bear to see you so lonely, so hurt, waiting for a man who may never return. If I could, I would—"

Elanna drew back away from him. He trailed off, letting her go. She met his eyes for an instant then looked away. "Cullen," she stammered quietly, "I can't…"

"I'm so sorry," Cullen said quickly, blushing, "I never should have presumed to—"

"No, Cullen, I'm sorry," she replied, her shoulders sagging as she looked back up at him again. "I noticed your regard for me weeks ago. I should have said something sooner. I could have spared you all of this."

"I shouldn't have…" Cullen backed away a step, "Elanna, I'm sorry."

She shook her head, "Cullen, I value your friendship and your support. You mean more to me than you know, but I can't be that for you. I should have been kinder to you, more open about how I felt."

"How you felt?" the words escaped him as a rough whisper. A glimmer of hope flickered in his aching chest.

"If not for Solas…maybe then…" She started sadly, "But you are a dear friend and I never wanted to hurt you. I want your friendship, truly I do. If you can bear it."

"Of course," Cullen replied, "Anything. I am here for you, whatever comes, as your commander, advisor, and friend."

"Thank you Cullen," she closed the distance between him and wrapped him in a hug. Cullen gently returned the gesture. As she stepped back, she added, "Thank you for understanding. Until I know why Solas thought he had to leave, until I know that he truly doesn't love me anymore, I can't let him go. I need to know. I need to find him again."

"Then I will do what I can to help you," Cullen replied earnestly, "You deserve to hear at least as much from him." He glanced towards the stairs that lead down and out of the tower. "Do you still want to be alone tonight?" he asked, "I could go."

She sighed and shook her head, "No. I guess I could use a friend tonight after all. There's so many things in my head—would you mind if we talked about Solas over dinner? I need someone to listen, so this doesn't tear me apart any more than it has already."

Cullen smiled lightly. "I'll get the servants to bring up some food and wine," he offered.

"Thank you," she replied, sadness and regret still hanging in her voice.

As Cullen descended the stairs in search of servants, he found that, his feelings having burst free, the ache had subsided. Rejection hurt, certainly, but he never truly expected her to accept him. He could never be to her what Solas was, another elf mage, but at the same time, relief that she still valued him as a close friend was a balm to his aching heart. He vowed to himself to protect her, in body, spirit, and in heart.


	20. Chapter 20

The day of the expedition's departure drew closer. Although Elanna saw Cullen at the daily council meetings and in passing through Skyhold, he had not sought her out for chess either of the last two evenings. Elanna did not press it either. She still felt guilty for her own behavior, willfully ignoring his regard for her in the hopes that they could remain simply friends indefinitely. It had been insensitive of her.

In the time that passed, she met with Scout Harding and her forward team. Harding and three more of the Inquisitions best scouts had departed that morning for the first of the rifts on the expedition's route. Harding was, as ever, eager to do her part, and Elanna knew there was none better than her to investigated rifts likely swarming with demons with an even temper, fearlessness, and a light sense of humor. The Inquisition soldiers already containing the area around each of the rifts would be glad to see her as well.

This afternoon, Elanna was to brief the two mages, Neria and Rion, and the two Templars, Belinda and Lysette, on the details of the rift expedition. Although Cullen had offered to do the brief, Elanna wanted to personally build a rapport with her four new companions as soon as she could. She needed partners in the field, not subordinates that kept their distance in polite awe of the Inquisitor. Moreover, the sooner they developed a strategy to approach the rifts between them, the less likely they would be to startle each other with magic or magic cancellation. While the Inquisition's mages and Templars were uncommonly accustomed to each other, compared to the rest of Thedas, they still rarely worked together in close quarters. She also needed to brief them on the fighting styles of their other companions. Cole, Sera, and the Iron Bull especially seemed unpredictable in battle, at first. Elanna was determined to avoid any kind of friendly fire.

However, with the daily council meeting behind her and the briefing ahead of her, Elanna had a few hours to spare. So, she climbed to the top of the scaffolding in the rotunda to repair the damage Sera had done to Sola's frescoes. Between favors from Archivist Bannon and the mason Gatsi, Elanna had acquired a large metal file, some plaster, pigments, and the tools to apply them.

She began by scraping the metal file against the wall where Sera had scribbled on the angry face, sanding away the imperfections. To her right the colorless section of wall with only the barest outline of what appeared to be one dragon killing another reminded her again of Solas' sudden disappearance. _Would he have stayed if I had not accidentally broken the orb when defeating Coryphaeus? _No matter how many times she asked herself, she could never find an answer. A small part of her held out hope that he would one day return and finish the mural, but the rest of her was losing faith. Maybe with enough practice, she would be able to finish the mural herself.

Sera's marks sanded off, Elanna began to mix water with the pale yellow pigment and the powdered plaster in two separate basins. Even as she did, she admired Solas' work. The bold lines and brilliant colors seemed effortless yet magnificent. Never in the lore learned from her keeper or of the other keepers she had met at the Arlathvehn twice in her youth had she ever heard of any Dalish that practiced frescoes as Solas did. After all, there Dalish had no permanent walls. Only as the Inquisitor did she begin to see remains of ancient frescoes in old Elvhen ruins. That Solas had been able to learn such a fine craft from his wanderings in the fade was incredible.

Elanna scooped some of the plaster onto her tool and spread it over the face of the elf on the mural, smoothing it. She quickly took up her brush and dipped it in the watery, straw-colored paint then spread it onto the wet plaster on the wall. It appeared to be a close, though not perfect match to Solas' original color. It would have to do. Elanna certainly did not have the skills or talents Solas did for art.

She put down her brush and leaned back on her hands, watching the paint and plaster dry. The face of Abelas, or some other unnamed sentinel, was no longer ruined. Elanna thought back to the Temple of Mythal. She had not known what to expect there, but she certainly had not expected to meet ancient Elvhen, and Mythal herself—in a manner of speaking. Her people truly had lost so much. They had not built anything of permanence since the Dales, and even that paled in comparison with what she saw in Mythal's temple.

To be called a "shemlen" by Mythal's sentinels shocked her, but it was true. The Dalish, too, paled in comparison to the ancient Elvhen, who had lived and slumbered centuries. There was so much she could have learned from them, but they did not want to share, and Solas sent them away.

Her mind turned over their final interaction with Abelas. While Elanna found herself at a loss facing the ancient elf, Solas stepped in with flawlessly confident elvish, hinting at a refuge for Abelas and the other sentinels. It had all been so overwhelming at the time that she had forgotten to ask Solas about that later. What had he been speaking of? How had even known of it?

The more she wondered, the more questions rose to her mind. How, without the Dalish, did he come to learn speak elvish more fluently than even the most studious Keeper? How did he perfect his magic so flawlessly without ever a teacher beyond the spirits of the fade? The Iron Bull had been right, Solas lacked the awkwardness of a self-taught mage. Without Solas' stories of his travels in the fade, without his persuasive, wise eyes backing every assertion, suddenly some things did not line up.

Solas was somniari, a dreamer, to be certain, but the Dalish tell that all somniari since the time of the Dales quickly fell to demonic possession, rare as they were. Even the half-Dalish boy from Kirkwall was rumored to struggle with possession before he sought help in the Imperium. How had Solas mastered that alone?

The blank face of Abelas on the fresco seemed to stare at her accusingly. There was something more. She was missing a piece. Elanna thought she had known Solas, but there was still so much he kept from her. That she still could not understand his sudden disappearance spoke to that reality. There was far more to Solas than he let on, even to her.

All the same, Leliana's discovery that his 'home town' was ancient ruins still did not feel like deceit from Solas. Solas may have been evasive, but she never saw him lie. Indeed, one could not lie to a spirit, so perhaps he never developed the habit. It seemed out of character, even more so than his disappearance. The report had stated that the ruins were likely from the time of the ancient elves. Why would Solas claim such a place as his home? If he had been lying, he could have just as easily named a small town on the edge of any wilderness.

_"For now, the best gift I can offer is the truth—"_

Suddenly, like clockwork, the pieces slid together in Elanna's mind. The reason Solas pined for the ways of the ancient Elvhen while disdaining the Dalish was that he _was_ Elvhen. Yes, Solas' knowledge came from wandering the fade—but for centuries. He spoke of the ways of the ancient elves with unprecedented familiarity not because of the spirits of the fade, but because he was one of them. Yes, Solas likely was from the place he claimed to be, but he had been born so long ago that not even history remembered him. He must have slumbered in uthenera for ages in ruins hidden far from civilization, safe from scavengers and raiders that would have disturbed his sleep.

In that moment, Elanna knew that she had to go to the ruins that Solas claimed as his birthplace. She had to see them for herself. She did not know what she would find there, if anything, but it was the only lead on Solas she had, and she would use it.

Leaving her plaster and pigment forgotten atop the scaffolding, she slid down the ladder and caught the first Inquisition messenger that passed by, a sturdy dwarf woman, and ordered, "I need to you get Cullen and Leliana for me immediately. I'm calling the council."

The messenger, somewhat startled, pressed a fist to her chest in a salute and responded, "Yes, right away!" She turned and hurried up the tower stairs.

Elanna, blind and deaf to nearly everything else around her, rushed towards the war room. If anyone tried to hail her on her way there, she did not notice. Elanna found Josephine at her desk and said urgently, "Josie, I'm calling the council right now. Leliana and Cullen should be on their way."

"Oh," Josephine said startled, looking up from her work, "What is it? This doesn't sound good."

"I will explain it all when everyone arrives," Elanna promised, and continued towards the war room. She pushed through the oaken door and went straight for the pile of reports on the end of the long table. She urgently shuffled through them until she found the scout report on Solas' home. Report in hand, she compared their notes with the map of Thedas. Pulling her dagger from her belt, Elanna thrust it into the map in eastern Tevinter at the location of the ruins just as Josephine and Cullen burst through the door with Leliana on their heels.

"Elanna, is something wrong?" Cullen asked, alarmed.

"Have you heard something I have not, Inquisitor?" Leliana asked. She sounded almost suspicious.

Elanna looked up at her advisors, report still clutched in her hands, and pointed at her dagger where it protruded from the map. "This is where Solas claimed to be from," she began, "You have all read the report?"

"What about it?" Leliana asked as the others nodded.

"I believe Solas was telling the truth," Elanna responded. Leliana began to protest, but Elanna cut her off, "I believe Solas is of the Elvhen, and he has slumbered in uthenera for centuries, to wake up in our age."

"Uthen-what?" Cullen demanded.

The look of surprise on Leliana's face rapidly shifted to one of approval. She nodded. "Uthenera," she explained for Cullen, "It is said that some of the ancient elves entered an eternal slumber, wandering the fade in dreams while their immortal bodies remained young."

"Like at the Temple of Mythal," Cullen realized.

"If the sentinels that you met were telling the truth, that does prove that it is possible," Josephine said incredulously. "But you believe the same is true of Solas?"

"He wasn't bound to a temple like they were, but yes, I believe he was born in the time of Arlathan and slumbered through all of our recorded history," Elanna replied firmly, "What he knew about the elves and the fade, his magic, his Elvish so fluent and yet so foreign no Keeper could match it, his evasiveness, it all fits."

"I can't believe I didn't see it before," Leliana shook her head, "It seems so obvious when you put it that way."

"Then we should have been asking him, not Morrigan, for help approaching that temple. It might have saved many lives," Cullen murmured.

"He knew where we were going. I doubt he would have voluntarily admitted to his past even if we had asked," Elanna shook her head, "Just think how we would have reacted, how the world would have reacted, if it were known that one of the ancient elves was standing beside us."

"The Chantry would drag him off and hide him away at the risk of heresy and every Dalish clan, every scholar of ancient history would want to eke every bit of knowledge they could out of him," Leliana nodded, "No, he would not have liked that."

"I still can hardly believe it," Josephine sighed, "Solas, an ancient elf all along. But what does this mean for the Inquisition? What should we do?"

"You wouldn't have called us if you didn't have something in mind," Cullen observed.

"For one, this knowledge cannot go beyond this room," Elanna began, "It is better for the Inquisition, and for those that fought alongside him, including Grand Enchanter Vivienne and Divine Victoria, if the public does not know what he was. He must remain the mysterious elven apostate in everyone's memories."

"If it were to get out that an ancient elf was one of the formative members of the Inquisition, our honor and legitimacy could be called into question, especially by those in the Chantry," Josephine agreed, "It was difficult enough patching our image after Blackwall was revealed as, well, who he truly is."

"I'm glad you understand," Elanna said gravely. She turned her attention back to the maps on the table between them, "I know it is a little out of the way, but I need to go to those ruins." She paused then drew a path with her finger between a few of the markers denoting rifts. "If we took this path, it should not add more than a week or two to our expedition," she suggested.

"What do you think you will find there?" Leliana asked, "My scouts found nothing but ruins. If Solas does not want to be found, as it seems he does not, he would not hide in the one location we know is of importance to him."

"I don't know what I expect to find, but I need to go there all the same," Elanna replied beseechingly, "This is for me. Maybe I will finally find closure, or maybe I will find only more questions. I can't say, but I need to see that place with my own eyes."

"And so you shall," Cullen replied firmly, "Elanna, you give so much of yourself to the Inquisition. If you think this may give you peace, you deserve it. The resources of the Inquisition are at your disposal."

Leliana gave him a short, sharp look, but she softened as she turned her attention to Elanna again. "I will arrange for the team of scouts who explored those ruins to meet you during your travels. They are still deployed in Northern Thedas now. You can debrief them personally."

"Thank you Leliana," Elanna nodded her appreciation.

"I wonder why an ancient elf would want to join the Inquisition to fight Coryphaeus," Josephine mused distantly.

"So do I," Cullen echoed grimly, "So do I."


	21. Chapter 21

Josephine threw an impressive send-off party for the Inquisitor and her traveling companions. Whoever was not on duty—either on the walls or in the kitchen—packed into the great hall of Skyhold, spilling out into the courtyards. Visiting dignitaries to Chantry sisters to Inquisition soldiers all passed by the buffet table and filled their mugs with ale from one of several enormous barrels. Cullen could see that Elanna would not have had it any other way. She smiled easily, greeting both noble and commoner alike. It was relaxed, even excited smile that he had not seen from her in months. Cullen found himself smiling too. Getting out and doing something for the greater good of Thedas again would feel fantastic for everyone involved.

The next morning, if any of the members of the expedition beyond Sera were feeling hung-over, they hid it well. As is first act as acting-commander at Skyhold, Knight-Commander Rylen had the entire garrison of Skyhold's forces line the bridge and the road down the mountain at attention as the expedition left. Cullen could not help but admire their forces. They had come so far since Haven, and he was proud of them.

The trip down through the mountains and into the Kocari Wilds was cold, but uneventful. It took nearly a week for the Templars and mages to adjust to The Iron Bull and Sera's traveling manners, but before too long, even Lysette was trading jokes with the hulking Qunari. By the tenth day, everyone could remember that Cole was there as he came and went from the edges of their party.

They faced their first rift a day's travel into the Kocari Wilds. Harding and her team of scouts had arrived there first, debriefed the team of Inquisition soldiers, and scoped out the best route to approach the rift. The Inquisition soldiers had managed to keep the numbers of wraiths and shades down, as they attempted to wander away from the rift, but the small team had not dared to venture close enough to tempt the group of demons that hung closer to the rifts. Cullen nodded with approval when he heard their report. It was exactly as he had asked them to do.

When it came time to close the rift, Elanna effortlessly took the lead. She ordered the soldiers to follow them in and form a perimeter around the rift. Bull, Sera, Cole, and Blackwall fell into place without a word. They had done this hundreds of times. She asked Cullen to lead Lysette and Belinda in taking down the pride demon, while she stationed herself across the rift from the two mages, Neria and Rion, to contain the rapid movements of the despair demons.

Their team launched out of the brush towards the rift with a collective yell. The battle was over in minutes. Rion only once tripped over Sera, and Belinda only cancelled one of Neria's spells. In the midst of the fighting, blood and adrenaline pounding in his ears, Cullen chanced a glance at Elanna where she stood at the edge of the clearing. She seemed icily calm, like the eye of a storm, manipulating magic into elemental projectiles with deft concentration. She took in the whole of the battlefield and controlled it. When the last of the demons fell, she raised her left hand, brilliant green energy leaping from it, and snapped the rift closed. She was just as incredible in battle has he had heard all of the soldiers say.

They celebrated that night at their small camp in the woods. Harding and her scouts had already moved on towards the next rift, but the soldiers had not. Sitting around the campfire with his men, Cullen was even gladder he left Skyhold for the expedition. They next morning they released the soldiers to Caer Bronach and followed in the scouts' footsteps, deeper into the Kocari wilds.

A week later, after skirting through cold swamps and around the edges of Chasind settlements, they arrived at the next rift. Again, Harding and her scouts had arrived before them and debriefed the Inquisition soldiers had had been standing watch. Having discussed techniques for fighting demons and closing rifts all week, the second rift was closed even more smoothly than the first. That evening, as they made camp, a small group of Chasind hesitantly approached them and thanked them for their help. They presented Elanna with two wild ducks they had just hunted, and the camp ate well that night.

The expedition moved out of the wilds and into the southern reaches of the Brecilian Forest. They closed another rift just outside of Gwaren and spend the night in town. Word got around quickly, and soon there were more people than chairs in the tavern, sharing drinks and stories with the Inquisition until nearly daybreak. Harding and her team got a healthy head-start as the Inquisitor's team spent much of the next day sleeping.

From there, the team found and closed three more rifts deep in the heart of the Brecilian forest. In their travels, a clan of Dalish tracked them down, hearing that the Inquisitor was passing through. They invited the whole group of travelers to their fire for a meal. Cullen was stunned. He had never heard of Dalish openly seeking out outsiders and offering them hospitality. Elanna truly was a bridge between worlds. Among the Dalish, deep in the woods, she seemed more at home than he had ever seen her in Skyhold.

After the Brecilian rifts were closed, they met Leliana, Josephine, and a small delegation from the Inquisition in Denerim to pay respects to King Alistair and his court. Cullen had not seen Alistair in years, but he was every bit as personable—and awkward—as before, if more comfortable in his authority. The king held a grand Ferelden-style banquet, with more smoked meat and roast potatoes than Cullen could count. Elanna held the seat of honor next to Alistair at the banquet table. As Cullen watched Alistair chat animatedly with a woman he had met only once before, and in uncomplimentary circumstances, he wondered if Alistair saw Elanna's resemblance to Jana, the Hero of Ferelden. It was not secret in Ferelden that Alistair and Jana had been lovers during the blight. It was whispered at court that that was the reason that Alistair did not remarry after his first wife died in childbirth. The woman he loved most had left Ferelden on a Warden quest.

Cullen himself was relieved to catch up with Leliana and Josephine. It appeared that Rylen was taking to his post well, and that there was little, if anything, that Cullen missed by being in the field. He was equally relieved to be celebrating like the Ferelden he was, rather than in another masked Orlesian party.

Leliana and the Inquisition delegation left for Caer Bronach and Skyhold, while Josephine departed by sea for a well-earned visit to her family in Antiva City. Cullen, the Inquisitor, and their expedition traveled up the coast from Denerim to close the final two rifts in Ferelden. From there, they proceeded to Amaranthine to take a ship across the Waking Sea. Before leaving for Antiva, Josephine had gone to great lengths to arrange passage on a ship captained by a man unshakable enough to carry the Inquisitor and her team to a known rift in the sea. A sturdy ship was waiting for them when they arrived, and Harding and her team were already aboard.

After three days at sea, they spotted the shimmering, eerily green patch of water ahead of their ship. Faintly, in the distance, they could see greenish wraiths and the unmistakable dark cowls of despair demons swarming above the Fade-tinted water. As they drew nearer, the ship's crew grew nervous, but the captain was unwavering in his promise to get the Inquisitor to the rift. It soon became clear that the rift had formed at least two yards below the surface of the ocean. Elanna would likely have to get under the water herself to be able to close the rift.

She quickly established a plan for Sera, Harding, and the other archers, as well as Elanna and the two mages would take out as many of the demons as they could from a distance. Meanwhile, the warriors were each assigned to a section of the ship, to defend it if the demons decided to board. It would be their most precarious rift closure yet. Elanna assigned Cullen to guard the deck where she would dive into the water with a length of rope tied around her waist. Cole joined him, because he would know if and when Elanna needed help. The best swimmer from among the scouts would follow Elanna into the water, also tied off, in case she needed defense.

The crew had hardly taken their posts when the demons and the rift came within range. Elanna, Rion, and Neria rained down a flurry of fire and lightning on the demons from as far away as they could reach. Moments later, the archers were within range, and arrows followed their magic. Some met their mark, others disappeared into the churning, green waters. The demons not destroyed by the first volley glided over the surface of the water towards the ship, spraying magic bolts and ice in their direction.

The small ship continued to draw nearer to the rift. Cullen prepared himself as one of the despair demons charged his section of the ship. A burst of flame from the end of Elanna's staff vaporized it before it could reach them.

As the ship pulled up alongside the rift beneath the waves, more demons erupted from beneath the water, practically leaping onto the deck of the ship. Elanna turned to Cullen and said quickly, "If I don't close that thing, they will keep coming through. Cover me."

Before Cullen could respond, she dropped her staff to the deck and dove off the side of the ship. The scout followed her, short sword in hand. It was all Cullen could do to track the fighting around him as the ship rocked in the waves. Three despair demons and at least six green wraiths attacked the ship and everyone on it. Cullen may have left the Templars behind him, but he still knew how to fight demons. He and Cole easily took down one of the despair demons between them, dodging its icy blasts.

Suddenly, Cole turned to him and urged, "The ice! They can't get up!"

Cullen whirled around and looked down over the side of the ship. Another despair demon hovered above the water, spraying ice over the surface where Elanna and her guard had descended, locking the two ropes in a floating layer of ice. While there was no longer a green glow in the water, the pair had already been underwater for nearly a minute. He glanced around for the nearest mage. "Neria! Rion!" he yelled, "The Inquisitor is trapped beneath the ice! Do something about it! Archers, target that despair demon. We need to give them room to get up. The rift is closed!"

Rion immediately blazed down fire on the surface of the water, melting the ice but also burning the rope. A hail of arrows descended on the despair demon, goading it to attack the ship. Cullen prayed that none of the arrows that missed struck the Elanna or the scout below the water as he fumbled for another length of rope on the deck. Cole was already doing the same. Cullen sighed with relief when he saw two heads surface above the water. He and Cole threw their extra ropes over the railing of the ship and waited for Elanna and her companion to retie the knots around them. Cullen took hold of his rope and began to pull Elanna up, but it was soon evident that Cole was not strong enough to raise the bulkier scout. However, before Cullen could call for more help, several sailors that had been cowering under the eaves leaped to join them. Soon, the Inquisitor and the scout were both on board, sopping wet and shivering.

Although their main objective had been achieved, the battle was not yet over. Hardly taking a breath to untie the ropes at her waist, Elanna seized her staff from the deck and called down lightning on the remaining despair demon that was wreaking havoc near the prow of the ship. With another wave of her hand and twist of her staff, she dispelled the ice that held Lysette and two of the archers solid. Freed from his post guarding the diving ropes, Cullen rushed to the bow to help Lysette and The Iron Bull finish off the last of the demons. Somehow, Cole got there before him and was already slashing into the remaining wraiths.

In less than a minute, it was over. The ship had sustained minimal damage, and the sailors were already setting to work repairing the rigging and decks with what daylight remained. Injuries were minor as well, and the mages quickly saw to those that had been hurt. When Cullen found Elanna, she was still standing on deck, talking the battle over with the captain. Despite the wool blanket wrapped around her, she was shivering.

She smiled at Cullen, seeing him approach. "It's over," she breathed, "Nothing from here on out can possibly be that difficult." She added, "Thanks, by the way."

Internally Cullen swelled with pride, but he shrugged it off, "It was Cole that noticed you were in trouble."

"And that's why I had him work with you," Elanna replied.

The Belinda brushed by them and took Elanna by the arm, scolding both Cullen and the captain, "Can't you see that the Inquisitor is sopping wet and cold? She needs to get below deck and changed into something warm and dry before she catches a cold up here." Elanna did not argue as the gentle Templar dragged her away. Cullen chuckled. As they traveled together, Belinda quickly forgot to be in awe of her commander or the Inquisitor herself.

Contrary to the expedition's original plans, they could not go to port in Kirkwall. The captain flatly refused to take them there, saying that the harbor was far too dangerous, filled with Breech debris and wrecks of ships that had been foolish enough to attempt to dodge the debris. The Wounded Coast also made landing at any of the smaller fishing ports far too dangerous for their ship. Elanna and Cullen poured over the expedition map together and plotted a new route for their journey. They would travel farther west up the Waking Sea and dock in Cumberland. From there, they would travel through the Planasene Forest and up the Wounded Coast on foot, closing the rifts in the area, before arriving in Kirkwall as originally planned. Varric had been one of the first informants to write the Inquisition about rifts in the area near his city. Cullen did not relish the idea of returning to Kirkwall, but they had a duty to the citizens of Thedas to close rifts, and to Varric, as a friend.

The captain liked this solution much better, and nearly a month and four Fade rifts later, they were in Kirkwall. Varric met them on the Wounded Coast outside of the city, and closed a final rift with them before taking them all straight to the Hanged Man for drinks and dinner. The city was still a mess. It pained Cullen to see the scars of the Mage-Templar war, but he could also see progress at restoration was being made. Varric regaled them all with likely exaggerated tales of his own work in defending and restoring the city. Cullen could see Elanna light up as they spent the evening with Varric. She easily agreed to his contrived excuses as to why they needed to stay in the city another day.

After another day in Kirkwall, during which Cullen carefully avoided the Gallows, the departed up the coast for Ostwick, closing more rifts. From there, they turned north and west again towards Markham, Tantervale, and Starkhaven. They spent no more than a few days in each of the cities, but instead scoured the wilds of the Free Marches for rifts and loose demons.

In Markham, Blackwall encountered one of the men he had betrayed as Thom Rainier. It was Blackwall that first recognized the tall, scarred man selling repurposed blades in the marketplace, but even Blackwall's thick beard could not hide a once familiar voice. The man, upon realizing that Thom Rainier was before him, stalked out from behind his booth and delivered a strong punch to Blackwall's jaw.

Cullen, Elanna, and the rest of their companions stood staring at the two men, unsure how to act, but ready to draw blades to defend their friend nevertheless.

"Rainier, you son of a bitch!" the man hissed with a voice that could cut like his blades.

Blackwall straightened up and looked the man in the eyes. "I know I deserved that, and more," he replied with firm humility. They regarded each other tensely for a long moment, and Blackwall added, "I can't ask you to forgive me, but I will say I'm sorry. I have nothing but regret for what I did."

The man spat on the ground at Blackwall's feet. "Tell that to all of the other men whose lives you ruined! Tell that to their families!" he retorted gruffly.

"If you'd let me, I will," Blackwall stepped forward. "I've ignored who I am and what I've done for too long."

The man hesitated, and then stepped back. "I'm goanna get my wife," he said.

Blackwall asked the rest of their group to return to the inn, or wherever the planned to be for the night, but Elanna and Sera insisted on staying. Cullen was not about to leave Sera as Elanna's only guard, so he remained as well. Good on his word, the man returned with a wife with an infant in her arms and a toddler in toe. Blackwall apologized to them all as well. The woman turned to her husband and urged gently, "Things have turned out alright for us, Geoff, forgive him." Grudgingly, the man did. As the words slipped out of his mouth, Cullen could practically see a weight lift off both Blackwall and Geoff's shoulders. At the woman's urging, Geoff and Blackwall had a tense but civil chat while the others returned to the inn. That night, Blackwall announced his intention to go on to Hercinia without the rest of the group, to meet and apologize to two more of his former soldiers that Geoff knew to be living there. He promised to meet them again in Wycome, or at least leave word at the inn there. Elanna agreed that the team could carry on without him, so they parted ways the next morning.

It took nearly two more months to cross the rest of the Free Marches south of the Minanter River, closing six more rifts, before they reached Wycome. Their arrival in the coastal city was solemn and full of ceremony. They people there knew the Inquisitor's connection to the elves that had died and knew well what the Inquisition still did for them to rid their city from the influence of red lyrium. Elanna accepted it all with mournful grace, but it was not until Keeper Sulahnera of Clan Elasin embraced Elanna in the woods at the site of Clan Lavellan's burial that Elanna shed her tears. Again, she sung the mournful elvish song that Cullen had overheard her singing on her balcony so many months ago. Certainly, Cullen had had to endure many terrible hardships over the past decade, but he had never suffered the crushing loss that Elanna now experienced. As much as Cullen wanted to comfort her, he gave her the space to mourn with her people.

Having been rejoined by Blackwall, they continued north through the Weyrs to close three more rifts on their way towards Antiva City. It was there that Josephine received them and treated them to a week of the finest Antiva had to offer. There were more parties, fine dinners by the docks, noble introductions, and wine that Cullen thought could fit into just seven days. The King and Queen of Antiva even held a banquet in the Inquisition's honor, no doubt the fruits of Josephine's tireless work.

From there, they commissioned a ship across the Rialto Bay to Dairsmuid. Not to be out-done by the Antivans, the Rivaini royalty also threw a lavish party and tours of the city to welcome the Inquisitor and her companions. At least free of banquets, the group traveled north up the Rivaini peninsula on fine Rivaini horses procured by Josephine, closing one more Fade rift in the mounts and two more in the plains. They took the land route across the northern coastline of Thedas into Antiva again.

As their journey progressed, Elanna grew more pensive and withdrawn. She remained quiet at their nightly cook fires and spent more time than usual staring up at the sky than usual. While The Iron Bull often tried to cajole her into joining in a song, a game, or more drinks, the rest of their band seemed to understand implicitly that she needed her space. Sera scoffed at Elanna's moods, but more or less left her alone. Cullen was not about to break her moments of solitude either.

Still two days distant, Cullen could see the lush green of the ancient trees of the Arlathan Forest spreading across the horizon. As they rode over the plains, he wondered what the forest held for them—for Elanna. The ruins of Solas' hometown, name lost to time, lay tucked up against the western edge of that timeless forest. Inquisition scouts that had found the ruins were to meet their party at the eastern side and guide them through. Although she would not say it, Cullen knew this was the part of the journey she most looked forward to. He hoped and prayed to the Maker that she would find some comfort in those ruins.


	22. Chapter 22

Even as they passed through the southernmost edge of the Arlathan Forest, Elanna could feel the depth and age of the trees. It was unlike any place she had ever been before. Although the trees nearly touched the sky like those in the Frostback Basin, these seemed far older, and somehow wiser. This had once been home to the Elvehn, the immortal ancestors of her people. She wondered what it had been like during Solas' childhood, countless ages ago. She tried to imagine the crystal spires the treetops and palaces floating above, but all she saw were the majestic, enormous trees. That, to her, was enough to wonder at. Even the wildlife there seemed to treat it as a sacred space. There was an awed hush about the forest, and no predators or pests bothered their camp on their first, second, or third nights under those ancient branches.

Leliana's scouts met them at the edge of the forest four days ago. Harding and her team awaited them there as well. There, they had made camp, the trees casting long shadows over them. The trio of advance scouts reported what they had seen in the ruins of Solas' "village." The statues, flaking frescoes, and mosaics all displayed familiar motifs dedicated to the elven pantheon. Statues of the Dread Wolf were particularly prominent, they said, not just around the perimeter of the ruins, but throughout. The ruins themselves spanned much more than a "village." All three of the scouts were elves, and one was Dalish. They all agreed that it appeared to be a town centered around a temple to one of the gods, most likely Fen'harel.

When they emerged from the Arlathan forest near evening on the fourth day, it was just as the scouts had said. Sprawling gray stone lay ruined across the ground. In some places it was simply overgrown foundations, while in others high walls and characteristically pointed elven arches still stood, crumbling. The red setting sun beat down on them, casting bright rays of crimson light through the arches ahead of them, like a watchful eye. With wolf statues all around, stained red with the dying light, Elanna could not shake the feeling that she was being watched.

No one broke the silence as they reverently picked their way through the ruins, led by the three elven scouts. Elanna knew all of her companions cast curious or concerned looks at her, waiting for her reaction, but she ignored them. Instead, she let her senses drink in everything around her. This had been Solas' home.

Near the center of the ruined town was a large, crumbling structure, several stories tall: the temple. It was nothing when compared to the size and majesty of the temples to Mythal or Dirthamen, but it was clearly a temple nonetheless. Decorative arches and spires adorned the outside of the building while two large statues of howling wolves framed what appeared to be the main entrance. While the sight of so many statues to the Dread Wolf put her on edge, she knew she had finally come to Solas' birthplace. He had no reason to lie, leading them to another ruined city of the ancient Elvehn.

The sky grew darker as they slowly made their way across the ruins. A gentle breeze teased at their clothes and the low grasses and flowers that had taken hold among the stone. Pointing ahead towards the temple, Elanna broke the silence, "We will camp there, in that plaza in front of the temple." Sera grumbled about sleeping on the stony ground, but the rest of the group murmured their assent.

They dismounted and set camp. Cullen organized watches while Harding joined two of the elves in scouting the immediate area with what daylight remained. Elanna did her part pitching tents and rubbing down the horses for the night. As Blackwall, Belinda, and two of the scouts worked on dinner preparations, Elanna found herself drawn to the ruined temple. Her wandering footsteps took her under the archway of the two wolf sentinels and into the dim interior. It was hardly bigger than Skyhold's great hall. A great wolf statue sat at the front of the sanctuary, not unlike the one she had seen in Mythal's temple. In sheltered areas where the second floor had not yet crumbled away chipped and flaking remnants of once brightly-colored frescoes decorated the walls. Although she could not make out the abstract subjects of the paintings, it reminded her of Solas.

"This must be where he learned," she mused with a quiet sigh.

Hearing slow footsteps behind her, she turned. Cullen stopped mid-step on the shallow stairway just outside the temple, studying her pensively.

"Dinner is just about ready," he said, without any urgency in his voice.

"He was here once, a long time ago," Elanna said out loud, more to herself than to Cullen.

Cullen nodded, though he Elanna knew he could not feel the same convictions she had. "This place is old, like the temple in the Arbor Wilds, though without the guardians," he replied. Pausing, he added, "I agree with the assessment of the forward scouts: this place was destroyed by war even before it fell to the ages."

Elanna nodded. She would have to see it for herself in the morning once the sun rose.

"What do you plan to do?" Cullen asked softly, hesitantly climbing the last stair and entering the sanctuary.

"I want to see if this place can teach me anything of Solas—past or present," she replied, looking around her. "I might be imagining it, but somehow it feels connected to him."

"I can't pretend to understand your connection to the Fade as a mage, but—" Cullen began, stepping towards Elanna. He stopped mid-step and mid-sentence as another voice cut through the stillness."

"Lost in plain sight, silent, solitary sanctuary," Cole murmured from the doorway behind Cullen, "Yes, he was here." Cole stumbled over his words, "There's a piece missing, I can't fill it. Wiped away, forgotten. Forgotten like the names, like this place. But here, it is linked. It is where you needed to be." He stared at Elanna, as if looking through rather than at her. She could not tell whether he was reading the history of this this place or her own pain. "This was always the goal in your journey. Rest."

Elanna let out a long sigh, taking it in. A small, sad smile played across her lips. "Thank you Cole," she said, "I think I will."

"I hope it helps," Cole bowed his head, hiding his eyes beneath the wide brim of his hat.

By the time Elanna had glanced towards Cullen and back again, Cole was gone. It was beginning to become less jarring each time he did it. "Cullen," she started, "Would it be selfish of me to ask you to take me off the watch rotation for tonight?"

"Not at all," Cullen replied warmly, "No one expected the Inquisitor to take an equal share of watch in the first place, and we all know coming here means a lot to you. This whole side-trip is for you."

"Thank you Cullen," she let out a relieved sigh, her shoulders slumping. "I want to sleep here, in this ruined temple, like Solas always said he did. I want to see if I can learn anything from the Fade in my dreams. I'm no dreamer like Solas, but sometimes I catch snatches…If I could get a full night's sleep…" she tried to explain, but she did not fully understand what she was attempting to do herself.

Cullen nodded solemnly, "I understand. I'll post guards at the entrance here, so nothing disturbs your rest—sleep, ah, dreams." He fumbled for the right words. Elanna felt as uncertain as he did about it all, but she had to try.

Bull's voice carried into the temple from the camp on the ruined plaza below, "Cullen! Where'd you get to? Dinner is on!"

"Ah, well, we should get back to the camp," Cullen started.

"Let's go," Elanna nodded. She passed by Cullen and into the arched doorway. Pausing, she turned back to him and said, "Cullen, thank you for everything."

"I—" he stammered, "It has all been an honor, Elanna."

They joined the rest of their group, now nearly twenty-strong, around the cook fire, each taking a bowl of the stew Blackwall and Belinda had concocted. Elanna explained to all of them what she planned to do and begged their forgiveness for sitting out on the watch cycle for one night. Everyone fervently argued that she had nothing to apologize for. Even Sera refrained from her usual comments about "stupid elfy shit."

After dinner, Elanna gathered her bed role and returned to the temple building. Along the path, she stooped down and plucked a few of the small yellow flowers that grew between the cracks in the stone. Inside, she laid out her bed roll in front of the great wolf statue. She then placed the flowers between the statue's massive, stone front paws, lifting up a prayer to Fen'harel. "Please, help me learn something of Solas," she begged at a whisper, her lips hardly moving. Saying those words, she allowed her to thaw from the self-protected indifference she had maintained for the last several months. An ache spread through her chest as she allowed herself to truly remember Solas and admit to herself the full extent of how much she missed him. She did not bother to hold back the tears that stung at the corners of her eyes. She needed to feel all of this before she dreamed.

"Be careful what you ask of Fen'harel," Neria warned from the doorway. She was fully armored and carried a staff in one hand. "You know all the stories as well as I do. Even if he does give you what you ask for, what will the cost be?"

Elanna turned to face the Dalish mage. Like her, Neria had once been a Keeper's First, before she joined the Inquisition. "I know," Elanna nodded gravely, "But he may still have power in this place, and I need all the help I can get. Maybe I should pray to the Maker as well."

"It is said that the Dread Wolf still stalks this world," Neria replied, "And after what you said of Mythal, I now believe it. Be careful, Inquisitor."

"I will, Neria," Elanna promised, returning to her bed roll.

"I am the first watch at the temple," Neria said, as if to explain her presence. She started to turn back to the steps, then added, "May the Dread Wolf never hear your steps, Inquisitor."

"Nor yours," Elanna replied.

As she settled into her sleeping sack, Elanna was awash with feelings: uneasiness, pain, and yet, excitement. She tossed and turned on the hard ground, then stared up at the stars through the gaps in the roof. Shaking off her nerves, she forced herself to breathe deeply and closed her eyes, still thinking of the twinkling stars and the great stone wolf. Was it standing watch or stalking her?

Breathing deeply, she felt lighter. The room around her looked somehow more complete. The colors of the frescoes were simultaneously brighter and more muted. There were complete pictures, but she did not understand what they meant, as if her mind slipped over their meaning each time she tried to stare too long. The yellow flowers she had placed at the feet of the reclining wolf statue had blossomed vigorously, now growing almost as a bush at the base of the statue.

She chanced a glance back outside but did not see Neria standing there at her post. Outside, it looked lighter, but not like dawn. It was misty, almost blurry.

It was the Fade. A feeling of triumph surged through her veins. Perhaps Fen'harel truly had heard her and propelled her, a mere mage, consciously into dreams. She looked up at the great head of the wolf statue and found that its eyes glowed green, as if by veilfire. She stumbled back, startled, but quickly calmed herself. Solas' advice rung in her ears: _if you expect a demon, a spirit will adapt to your imagination. If you rid yourself of fear and suspicion, you will be amazed at what you can learn._ She took a slow, calming breath and looked up at the blazing green eyes again. "Please," she pleaded. _What will this cost?_

A disembodied voice boomed in the chamber, echoing with the undulations of the Fade, "Who comes? Who are you?" The voice did not come from the wolf statue, but it did not seem to be coming from anywhere else. Rather, it seemed to come from everywhere around her.

Elanna's heart nearly stopped in her chest and her words caught in her throat, lost in a half-sob. She knew that voice. It was a voice she had longed to hear for months. "Solas?" she finally managed, swallowing her sob.

"Vhenan," his voice was broken up with bewilderment, shock, and even tenderness.

That one simple word filled Elanna with both warmth and anguish. She looked around but could not see him anywhere. "Solas," she repeated again, trembling. This time it was no longer a question.

"Elanna, what are you doing here?" Solas' voice, too, seemed filled with pain.

"I came to see if I could find anything about you," she replied, still looking around for him, "And now…"

A silence fell. Elanna began to fear Solas was gone, but he finally spoke again, softly and earnestly, "I'm sorry, ma vhenan."

"Solas, why?" Elanna asked as sobs crawled up her throat again, "Why did you go? You didn't even say goodbye. You promised me you would explain it all to me after Corypheus was dead, but then," she stammered, even in the Fade, she could feel hot tears rolling down her cheeks, "but then you abandoned me!"

"I am sorry," Solas said heavily, again. She could hear pain in his shaking voice as well.

"That's not an answer!" Elanna sobbed back at him. Anger and frustration mingled with the pain in her chest. "Solas, I loved you! I still do."

"You are right," he sighed deeply, "You deserve far better than the parting I gave you." A long silence fell as he considered his words, but this time Elanna did not fear he had gone. "There is something I must do, something that only I can. My love, you changed everything. You closed the Breech, you destroyed Corypheus, but much yet remains for me to do."

"That's hardly an answer," Elanna replied. It was not enough.

"I know," Solas said sympathetically, "But if you came this far looking for me, I cannot take you from your duties as Inquisitor. You are still the only one who can close the rifts, and you still wield powerful influence over Thedas. The stability of this land needs you. If you knew the path I walked, I fear you would abandon that to find me."

"Solas, I need you with me, I still love you," she pleaded, tears welling up again, "I feel like a part of myself has been missing since you left. I can't stop looking for you until I am certain that you don't love me anymore. Can you tell me that?" she demanded.

"I," he stammered, as if fighting something inside himself, "I can't."

Elanna's heart both warmed and ached all at once, "Then why?"

"I could not bear to see what I become," Solas responded, the pain in his voice reflecting his own. "The path I walk leads only to death. It will change me, and would not wish you to see that transformation. Nor could I burden you with what I must do." While his voice was still firm, it held the same familiar fondness she had longed to hear, "Elanna, my heart, you are wise beyond your years, as beautiful as the Fade, and I would not change that. I envy your spirit, your convictions, and your hope for a better tomorrow, and I know that you alone have it within you to guide Thedas towards that vision. I would not take you from a world that needs you as its guiding beacon."

Elanna's heart swelled as he spoke. She wanted to echo each phrase back to him, but found herself speechless to be showered with the love she had yearned for.

"Vhenan, you are unlike any other woman in Thedas. Your grace, your compassion, your strength, your wisdom," Solas continued warmly, though sadness still hung on the edge of his voice, "I could not stop admiring you even if I wanted to. You shine as a brilliant light in this world, even from far away. That I caused you pain in my selfishness haunts me even now. I have not known a woman like you since—"

"Since before the fall of Arlathan?" Elanna finished for him. It was more of a statement than a question.

Solas' voice stopped short in stunned silence.

She waited for him to respond, but he did not. "You're Elvhen, just like Abelas, aren't you?"

"Not just like Abelas, I am not bound to a god as he," Solas replied, regaining his composure, "But I should have anticipated that you would see through me one day. Was I not just praising your intellect?"

Elanna felt a small rush of satisfaction at the confirmation of her suspicions. "Solas, please come back," Elanna begged, "I know I am not immortal like you, or a dreamer, but I love you. There is so much the world could learn from you. The Dalish, you know how much we got wrong, but you could help us make it right."

"Enough Keepers have already rejected me," Solas replied firmly, "That is not my role. But there may yet be other ways to help the elves."

"But if they knew who you really were, that you were there at Arlathan," Elanna protested.

"They would not stay quiet, and I would soon have the Chantry trying to hang me for the blasphemy I would case, Cassandra at its head or no."

"Solas, please, it doesn't have to be this way," she pleaded again. "I love you, I want to be with you. And now I understand why you are so unlike anyone else I have ever met—or will ever meet."

"Elanna, you need to move on," Solas urged.

"How can I? You haven't," she retorted. "Let me help you. You don't need to be alone. I saw your greatest fears in that nightmare in the Fade: you fear to die alone. Let me save you from that. Why cause both of us more pain than is needed? I will finish closing the rifts, and then I can come find you. Ir lath ma, Solas."

Solas signed deeply. "I walk the din'anshiral," he replied at last, "It is because I love you that I cannot take you with me. It would destroy all that I find beautiful in you."

"But—" she began.

"Your Inquisition needs you for more than just the Anchor on your hand. This world needs you to guide it, Vhenan, even after all the rifts are closed," Solas interrupted firmly, "I will not cause pain by my selfishness again."

Elanna felt at a loss for words. Solas pushed her away even as he professed his love. It was disorienting. At last, she spoke again, her voice distant and small, "The world puts me on a pedestal, and I am so alone."

"And they always will, for you have no equal," Solas replied, both lovingly and sad.

"Before I was Inquisitor, you saw something in me, Solas, you treated me as valued from the first second you met me," Elanna replied, "And that never changed. You never exalted me like the rest of world around me. I needed you then, and I still need you now. Solas, maybe I'm not _your_ equal, but I strive to be. You inspired me."

"No, Vhenan, _you_ inspire me," he replied, then added darkly, "And I cannot pretend to be your equal of character, not after what I have done."

"But, Solas, what are you trying to do?" Elanna blurted, her frustrations and anguish welling up again, "And why can't that include me?"

"Because your spirit is too beautiful to lose it on a path that only leads to death," Solas replied, "It is a beauty this world needs."

"Solas…" she could not find the worlds to follow. Even as she spoke the world around her grew blurrier, duller.

"Dar eth shiral ma vhenan," the whisper of Solas' voice echoed booming in her ears. It was as if there was nothing else, but the sound of his words. "I treasure the memories of the time we had together. Live with hope, not regret. That is my wish for you." With every syllable, his gentle voice grew more distant and the world around her became more indistinct.

"Solas, wait! No!" She cried, but she could already feel the uncanny sensation of falling that accompanied reverting to consciousness, "Don't go!"

The chilly night air stung her face as salty tears ran down her cheeks. "Don't go," she cried softly, "don't go…"

Elanna was so wrapped up in her own grief that she did not notice the sound of movement across the sanctuary until warm, strong hands rested gently on her shoulders. "I'm here Elanna, I'm not going anywhere," a different voice said comfortingly.

Elanna's eyes snapped open but her vision was still blurred by tears. Cullen knelt over her, concern written in the shadows across his face. She sat up and flung her arms around his shoulders, letting him wrap her in a protective embrace. As Elanna sobbed wordlessly onto his shoulder, Cullen gently patted her back and stroked her hair. More than ever before, she was grateful for his unquestioning loyalty and friendship, even if she could never return his affections. She knew that now.

Knowing that Solas still walked the world, still loving and yet shunning her was more than she could bear. Her heart ached like it never had before. Some of her questions had been answered, but to know the truth of Solas' feelings was more painful than to wonder if he still cared. As she cried, Elanna could not regret her prayer to Fen'harel. This pain was all part of the cruel generosity of the Dread Wolf. This was the cost.

Author's notes: I want thank everyone who has stuck with me this far through this story. More than anything else I've written, this was really a story I wrote for myself, as I worked out my own reactions to the end of DA:I as well as a period of upheaval and transition in my own life. Writing Elanna's struggles with "What next?" turned into an unexpected way for me to work through my own feelings. That others were able to enjoy and even be inspired by my writing journey along with me is an honor. This is where I initially intended to end the story. While I do plan to take a break here and work on my other stories, I will probably write a couple of Trespasser and DA4(?) tie-in's eventually. I am looking forward to what the future of Thedas has in store for Elanna and the rest of our DA friends.


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